Vesvius' Junk Box
by Vesvius
Summary: Where I put everything I do that's abandoned, partially finished, or a challenge that I took. Have fun, you all. Formerly 50 prompts.
1. Why You?

A/N: Ok, this is Why You, which I've reposted from it's own story. It is now the first of my 50 prompts, all of which I type because I'm not sure they'll support full fics on their own. If you want to write more of any of these stories, just let me know. They're up for grabs.

Warning: All of these are one shots that I might write more of if I get bored. They will all end in cliffhangers. None of them will be related to each other (that I know of).

I will let you know of the pairing (if any) on top of all of them, and hope you enjoy them.

Why You: Naru/Ino

* * *

The steady beep-beep of heart monitors sounded throughout the long-term patient ward of Konoha hospital. It had only gotten that way recently, when the mission to retrieve Uchiha Sasuke had concluded. And despite the worries of many about six of the gennin (and the worries of few about Uzumaki Naruto), the mission had been a complete success.

Akamichi Chouji had defeated Jirobo of the Sound Four with his dangerous, life-threatening pills. Hyuuga Neji had destroyed Kidomaru of the same team, blasting his head off with a reinforced jyuken strike. Nara Shikamaru had defeated the lone girl of the team, with aid from Sabaku no Temari, while Inuzuka Kiba and Sabaku no Kankurou had stopped the diabolical twins known as Sakon and Ukon. Finally, as far as the villagers were concerned, the recently recovered Rock Lee and his former foe Sabaku no Gaara had stopped the leader, Kimimaro.

Though that was all that the villagers wanted to think happened, there was one more fight on that mission. It was Uzumaki Naruto, hated fox-demon-vessel of Konoha vs Uchiha Sasuke, supposed victim of kidnapping. That fight had come down to a demon-charged Rasengan against a cursed Chidori. The two had met in an explosion of power, one that rattled the foundations of far off buildings and created a black dome of energy.

Sasuke had wasted no time, and had thrust his Chidori deep into the chest of Naruto. With a scream, the blonde boy had retaliated, changing his Rasengan's target from Sasuke's head protector to his left shoulder. The force of the orb had blown his arm clean off, and caused the power surrounding them to dissipate. Naruto had fallen to the ground, bleeding profusely. Sasuke had gone into shock from his missing arm, and sat down limply, staring at his bloody stub.

It was that scene which Hatake Kakashi came to. His trained eye easily saw the chidori wound in Naruto's chest, but his concern was mostly for his prized pupil, Uchiha Sasuke. Without a second look at the unconscious boy on the ground, Kakashi grabbed the black haired boy and ran back to Konoha.

He returned in record time, rushing into the Hospital twenty minutes later. Sasuke was immediately taken into the intensive care unit, and he was treated by the third and fourth best medics in Konoha. Sasuke was in no life-threatening danger, but the shock of losing his arm had sent him into a coma. He was connected to machines all day and night, ones that kept him alive, and monitored his vital functions.

Almost the entire hospital staff looked through the window into the Uchiha's room, watching his comatose form slumber. Kakashi was watching with something akin to paternal pride. 'He'll pull through this.' He thought. 'Sasuke's too tough to lay like this for the rest of his life.' As he stared, a pink-haired gennin elbowed her way through the crowd to the spot next to her sensei. "Ah, Sakura." Kakashi said. "Sasuke's back, safe and sound."

Sakura's eyes gleamed with joy. "YES!" she yelled. "When I see Naruto, I'm going to give him the biggest hug he's ever gotten!" She looked up at her sensei. "Where is Naruto's room anyway?"

Kakashi's next thought was 'Oh, Shit.'

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Down below in the lobby, Genma barreled in the door. "TSUNADE-SAMA!" he screamed. "WE GOT A LIVE ONE!"

Immediately, the Hokage ran from the medical charts she'd been inspecting to the cry. "Genma!" she yelled when she saw who it was. "You're still supposed to be in bed! What the hell are you trying to pull!? Why did you-" Her breath and tirade caught in her throat as she saw the bloody bundle that Genma was carrying: Uzumaki Naruto.

Genma began gasping out an explanation as Naruto was grabbed and placed on a stretcher. "pant pant I went out to see if I could still catch those guys who attacked me, cause pant I still had most gotten most of my chakra back. They were all dead as I passed them, but I got to the last battle sight, he was pant still lying there, barely breathing. I got him back pant here as fast as I could."

Tsuande had already started working on Naruto. "Good job, Genma. I'm giving you a commendation for this." She shouted behind her as she wheeled Naruto into the emergency room. There, her hands started glowing with green healing chakra, and she cast a simple diagnosing jutsu. When the results came back, she gasped again. 'How much chakra did you have to go through to get severe chakra depletion?! Lacerations, Cuts, bruises, and the huge stab wound?! Who the hell did this to you, kid?' She began treating his injuries, starting with the huge wound in his chest.

Ten minutes later, a panting Tsunade deactivated her healing jutsu. Naruto was finally out of the danger zone, and he should be waking up any moment. But the extent of his injuries had been astronomical, and she would personally kill the one responsible for almost killing her little brother.

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The next day, Tsunade made her way back to the hospital to check on the people that had returned from the mission. Her first stop was the non-critical patients. Inuzuka Kiba, Nara Shikamaru, and Rock Lee were all fine. Kiba had had a stomach wound which had been closed easily enough, while Shikamaru had a mere broken finger. And all Rock Lee had to do was recover from his surgery, which he should have been doing in the first place!

The second set of rooms, the one with patients who had recently been in life-threatening danger, was more sobering. Akamichi Chouji had successfully been saved, through no small effort of Tsunade's, and was currently in a deep sleep to recover. Hyuuga Neji had recovered from the huge hole in his chest, and was in a similar state. Seeing two people, who normally would be out enjoying life, in such a state sickened the Hokage.

'I'm sure Naruto will cheer me up.' She thought. 'He's probably already up, and demanding to be released or given some ramen. Probably the second.' But when she walked into the room, instead of the loud yells she expected, she heard… nothing. Just silence. As she surveyed the room, which usually held up to six people, she saw it held just one. The other beds were hastily made up, as if the occupants had moved quickly to get away from the last person.

Tsunade focused on the remaining occupied bed, which did hold Uzumaki Naruto. She saw that the bedside table held flowers from the rest of the rookies, as well as other people who Naruto was on good terms with, from Iruka to Konohamaru, to even the old man who cooked his ramen. But when Tsunade looked at Naruto, she knew that something was wrong. Naruto's eyes were wide open, and he was staring at the ceiling, as if it held the answers to all questions in life. Worried, Tsuande took the direct approach.

"OY! GAKI!" She yelled. "WAKE UP!" When that got no results, she waved her hand in front of his eyes. Nothing happened, even blinking. Seriously worried now, Tsunade cast another diagnostic jutsu, but it showed that Naruto's body was completely fine. "If this is a joke," she muttered, "It's really not funny." With only one possibility, besides it being a bad joke, Tsunade left the room, looking for Yamanaka Inoichi.

She found him soon, visiting Shikamaru and Chouji along with their fathers. "Inoichi!" she called when she saw him. "Good to see you're here! I've got an important task for you." Inoichi straightened, and nodded for her to continue. "One of the gennin from yesterday's mission might be in mental trauma. You're the most qualified to help him, so come on!" She began to walk back to Naruto's room, but she was stopped by Inoichi raising a hand.

"I've seen the five gennin here, and they need no mental help. That leaves Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto. And I can tell you that the Uchiha is currently in a state of shock, something you've already determined. That leaves only Uzumaki, and I refuse to help him." Inoichi stated in a calm voice. The conscious gennin in the room looked at him as if he were crazy.

"But Yamanaka-san," Shikamaru began, "Naruto was key to our mission, and he's a very good friend to all of us. Why won't you help him?"

Inoichi looked at Shikamaru coldly. "That I won't is all you need to know. It would have been better for us all if that… thing had expired on the battlefield." With that statement, Inoichi walked out of the room.

Tsunade stared at the door blankly. One of her most dedicated Jounin had just refused to help Naruto, solely because of his furry little problem! Tsunade tried to contain her rage, but a vein began pulsing in her temple, and she began clenching and unclenching her fists. A tug on her sleeve caused her to spin around and growl "WHAT?!"

Yamanaka Ino jumped backwards, terrified of the look on the Hokage's face. Tsunade immediately began to calm herself, and said, "Sorry about that. What is it that you wanted, Ino?"

Ino swallowed deeply. "Hokage-sama, I have the same abilities that my father does. They're just not as strong yet, or as well controlled. But if you'll let me try, I can see what I can do for Naruto."

The Godaime took another deep breath, and said "That's a very generous offer, Ino. Are you sure you're willing to help?" Ino nodded. "Ok then, follow me." Tsunade walked briskly out of the room, with Ino jogging behind her to keep up.

They got to Naruto's room quickly, and Ino took a seat next to Naruto. She was about to perform Shintenshin no Jutsu, but was stopped by Tsunade touching her shoulder. "Ino, once you get into Naruto's mind, you'll have knowledge of an S-rank secret that's not to be revealed to anyone. Also, if you find yourself in ANY danger whatsoever, pull out immediately. Understoood?" Confused, Ino nodded, then resumed her prior stance.

"_**Shintenshin no Jutsu!**_" she yelled. Her spirit shot out into the prone form of Uzumaki Naruto.

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The first thing Ino noted in Naruto's mind was the condition of it. Most people's minds were seen as a large orb, which floated in a space of inky blackness. By touching different parts of the orb, Ino could bring up certain memories. She could also just dive into the center of the orb, temporarily overshadowing the target. So most people's minds were a large, unblemished orb. Naruto's was… not.

It was a field of glistening shards, twinkling a dark light. There was a small orb still floating in the middle, but unlike other minds, it was a dark crimson. Looking at it sent chills down Ino's spine. Wrenching her eyes away from the malevolent sphere, Ino took in the literal shards of Naruto's mind. The meaning was clear: Naruto had undergone something so terrible that his mind had literally fragmented, separating his thoughts and memories, literally his _self_, from his body functions!

With a gasp, she broke the jutsu, and was sent back to her own body. The concerned eyes of the Godaime looked at her, and they filled with horror when Ino said "His mind… It's broken!"

"What do you mean, broken?"

"Literally, his mind is in pieces. I could see fragments of it everywhere, and there was this creepy red mind which…" she stammered out. Words couldn't express the terror that looking at the red orb had filled her with.

Tsunade was momentarily filled with pity for the young girl in front of her. But the most important thing right now was Naruto's psyche, not the girls fear of Kyuubi. "Can you fix him?" she asked forcefully.

Ino thought for a second, shaking her head to clear the remnants of fear. "I… think so. It'll take me a while, and it'll be tiring, but I should be able to."

Tsunade nodded. "Do it. This is an A-class mission, and you will receive payment as such." Ino gasped, then quickly went back into the seal for Shintenshin. A moment later, she was back inside Naruto's mind.

This time, she didn't waste a moment staring around. She hurriedly scanned the area, looking a place to start. Ino had been studying how to do this for a while, ever since she learned Shintenshin no Jutsu. There! There was the giant piece that was his body functions, directly next to the equally giant piece that was his subconscious. Ino breathed a sigh of relief. If the subconscious was fragmented, it was near impossible to recollect. With a thought, she joined the two pieces together, where they were supposed to be.

That left one giant piece, over half of Naruto's mind, reconnected. It also left over a hundred smaller pieces, ones that represented his memory and personality. Squaring her astral shoulders, Ino began.

Naruto's personality was next. Some parts were easy to put together, like his deep love of ramen and steadfast loyalty. She knew that much about him. Hell, anyone who spent twenty seconds with him knew that about him. But as she fit the pieces together, Ino frowned. This couldn't be right! But all the pieces pointed towards that. Naruto's personality was anything but the happy, carefree guy she always thought he was on the inside.

Inside, Naruto was dark, depressed, and longing for anyone, anyone at all, to show him any small amount of human kindness. The part of his mind that contained hate was small, and it fit in nicely with the large part that was the urge to prove himself. His capacity for kindness and love was gigantic, and his patience was large. As the shape of Naruto's personality came together, it made no sense to Ino.

On the outside, he was happy, idiotic, and very, very annoying. But everything on the inside of Naruto said that he was quiet , had a very cunning mind (when it wasn't broken), and a shy, gentle, loving, nature. Exactly how Sasuke would be. Or, how Ino pictured Sasuke might be on the inside.

Ino was growing more and more confused by the enigma that was Uzumaki Naruto. He had a fake personality that he displayed to the outside world, and a more subtle, complex one on the inside. But his personality was completely reassembled. Maybe his memories would shed some light on his confusing persona.

She 'grabbed' a shard to place it within its proper place in the orb. But as soon as her mind brushed it, she was sent careening into Naruto's memory.

_"Please, ma'am, can I have some food? The others stole mine." A three year-old Naruto asked._

_The woman in charge of the orphanage looked down at him with disgust. "Why do you make up such foul lies?!" she shrieked. "Not one of these sweet children would ever do something like that, brat! You're just a greedy little bastard!"_

Ino recoiled from the memory, and placed it in its correct postion. Was this what Naruto's childhood had been like? Curious despite herself, she grabbed another shard.

_A five-year old Naruto was lying facedown in the street. A searing pain burned in his ribs, as the man kept kicking and kicking him. "I'll kill you, you foul beast!" he yelled, and drew back his heavy boot for another shot._

_Naruto cried and curled up in a little ball, clutching his ribs. He was pretty sure they were broken. He knew that feeling._

Once again, Ino gasped in horror at the scene. She hastily shoved it in it's place, and looked around for something that looked relatively harmless. There was one that looked relatively painless! She snagged it.

_"Stay away from that boy, Kiba!" a lady said, and grabbed the boy Naruto had just been playing with. "He's bad, very bad, and you don't want to be anywhere near him!"_

_Naruto looked blankly after the boy and his dog. He should have known better then to come to playground today. This had happened before, so many times that it only brought a dull stinging sensation instead of the pain he had always felt before. Out of the corner of his eye, the eight-year old Naruto saw two girls looking at him from the nearby bench._

_"What a loser." The pink haired one whispered to her blonde friend._

_"I know. No wonder no one likes him!" the blonde responded. With a slump of his shoulders, Naruto walked slowly away towards his apartment. But he knew he wouldn't make it. It was time for his weekly beating._

Ino felt herself starting to cry. 'Did I really do that?' she asked herself. 'How could I be so… bitchy?!' In panic now, Ino looked around for a happy memory. She needed something happy to counteract that last image, or she'd go insane. With a sigh of relief, she spotted one that was much brighter then all the others.

_"So, Naruto-kun," The Sandaime Hokage said. "We have some good news for you." Nine-Year old Naruto looked up at the aged ninja. "We've managed to get you into the academy!"_

_A giant smile crossed Naruto's face. "Really, Oji-san? Thanks! That rocks!"_

_"It was nothing, Naruto-kun." The Sandaime said, happiness in his eyes. "Looking after the people is the Hokage's job."_

_Naruto looked up at him. "Then… I'll be Hokage, and make everyone happy!"_

A small sigh crossed escaped from Ino. The pure joy that Naruto had felt washed over her, and a small smile crossed her face. Carelessly, she grabbed another memory, not worrying about whether it were happy or sad. 'After all,' she thought. 'He got into the academy. Everything should be fine after that.'

_"Uzumaki!" A chunin teacher yelled. "What the hell are you doing?"_

_"I'm practicing my Henge sir." He said in confusion. Was that a problem?_

_"Right outside of the girls locker room? A likely story!"_

_"But sir, I'm ten! I don't care about girls!"_

_"Yeah, right. Detention!"_

Ino shuddered. 'Well, that wasn't that bad. Looks like things did actually get better. The smile still clinging to her face, she reached for the next memory.

_"Hey, loser." One of the larger boys said. "Why do you suck so much?" The question was punctuated by a punch to the gut. Eleven-year old Naruto winced, and tried to defend himself, but the boy's friends were holding his arms behind his back._

_"Naruto!" a teacher yelled. The boys hastily dropped Naruto, and stood innocently. "How many times have I told you not to bother anyone! You're lucky the Hokage makes me let you be here! Detention!"_

Ino winced again. "Maybe things didn't get better…" she mumbled. Looking around, she spotted another relatively happy memory.

_"Naruto!" Iruka called. "Hurry up! If you don't beat me there, you'll have to buy me ramen!" Naruto grunted, and sped up his pace, trying to beat Iruka to Ichiraku._

_"I'm not buying you nothing!" Naruto yelled. "You're buying me lunch, breakfast and dinner! And maybe brunch!"_

Ino chuckled at that. Good old Iruka-sensei. She had always known he was close to Naruto, but until seeing that, she had never understood how close. Iruka was the one good thing Naruto remembered from the academy, Ino realized as she finished organizing his academy memories. That left only memories from when he became a gennin, then she could jump start his brain to get it running again.

In her rush to get it done, Ino scooped up the first one.

_"Don't you want to know why everyone hates you?" Mizuki asked from a tree branch. "It's because you are the Kyuubi no Kitsune, the demon that attacked us 13 years ago!"_

_Naruto blanched in shock. 'I can't be the demon, I'm a boy!'_

_Mizuki continued. "The demon is within you, making you just like it! A DEMON!"_

Ino stopped in shock. Naruto had a demon within him! All of a sudden, everything made sense: the hatred from the adults, Naruto being an orphan, the sudden surges of power he got sometimes, the secrecy the Hokage had sworn her to before allowing her into Naruto's head. Still stunned, Ino dove back into the memory, determined to see the end of it.

_"I do hate the fox!" Iruka said. "It's a pestilence, and a plague on this village! But for the boy, Uzumaki Naruto, I hold nothing but respect! He's a proud citizen of Konoha!"_

_Mizuki sneered, and charged Iruka, ready to deliver the final blow. But Naruto, who had watched the scene from the trees, dove in front of Iruka, and delivered a hard kick to the traitors skull._

_"You touch Iruka-sensei, and I'LL KILL YOU!" Naruto yelled. He formed his hands into a cross. "KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!"_

Ino watched the rest of the memory, concluding with Iruka graduating Naruto. 'Well, that explains how he graduated. And how he learned Kage Bunshin.' Inside her mind, Ino was slowly beginning to appreciate and respect Uzumaki Naruto, and all he had done. Taking a deep breath, Ino grabbed hold of Naruto's memories, so many that they all blurred together.

_"You ready?" A bloody Naruto said, staring at a bandage-wrapped ninja. "Then let's go wild!"_

_Naruto hunched over in rage, staring at the dead corpse of Sasuke. He stood up, and his eyes flashed with demonic light. "I'LL KILL YOU!" he screamed in a deep voice._

_"You know," Naruto said, looking at the boy whose mask had just broken. "If things had been different, we probably would have been friends."_

_"Doesn't anyone want to know my name?" Naruto shouted. The red-haired sand kid walked away with a 'no'._

_"I DON'T QUIT, and I DON'T RUN!" Naruto screamed at the scarred proctor of the first exam._

_"Are you OK… you coward?" A glaring Naruto panted at the pale Sasuke._

_"U-ZU-MA-KI NARUTO RENDEN!"_

_"PERVERT!" Naruto yelled at the old man peeping through the hot springs fence._

_"No one as small as you could summon me!" the giant toad scoffed as he looked at the much smaller boy._

_"Stop whining about stupid crap like that," Naruto murmured to a fallen Hyuuga prodigy. "Since… you're not a loser like me."_

_"We've gotta protect Sakura-chan! Get him away from her!" Naruto yelled at the toad he was standing on._

_"I… won the bet, old hag." Naruto gasped out, looking at Tsunade as she tried to save his life._

_"When I'm with you… I wonder if that's what it's like to have a brother." Naruto cried out as he faced the Uchiha._

_Kakashi glanced over at the semi-conscious Naruto, bleeding slowly to death from the giant hole in his chest. Then, without a second glance, he picked up the Uchiha prodigy, who Naruto knew was in no danger, and ran off with him towards Konoha. An anguished cry came out of his mouth, his sanity going with it._

Ino withdrew from Naruto, gasping and shuddering. She felt a hand on her shoulder, and spun around to see the Godaime looking at her with concerned eyes. "Are you ok?" she asked worridly.

"I-I'm fine." Ino gasped out.

"And him?"

"I've fixed his mind, and he should be back to normal any time now. But first, there's a memory or two I need to share with you." She formed the seals for a memory transfer jutsu, and touched Tsunade's arm. Tsunade gasped as the memories of the Valley of the End hit her. When the flow stopped, her eyes hardened.

She nodded firmly at Ino. "Thank you very much for your assistance. The pay for an A-class mission, plus an extra C-class espionage mission shall be transferred to your account. You can go back to your friends now."

"I'd actually like to stay here with him, I mean if that's ok with you." Ino hastily added on. She needed to stay. Something inside of her was driving her to say.

A ghost of a smile crossed Tsunade's face. "Sure." The small smile disappeared, and the hard look returned. "If you'll excuse me, I've got some very unpleasant business to take care of." With that, she stormed out of the room.

Ino stared after her for a second, but a deep breath from the bed behind her caught her attention. Naruto was waking up! She spun around, and saw him looking around, confused as to his surroundings. His eyes settled on her. They widened in surprise, as he said "Hi Ino! What're you doing here?"

The blonde girl studied his deep eyes for a second. On the surface, they were confused, expectant, happy. But in their depths, she could see the tortured soul that was inside, the one that would do anything for anyone to love him. Damn the consequences! She had to do something to erase at least some of his pain.

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Tsunade stormed through the hospital towards the top floor, the long-term observation room. What she had just seen ran through the forefront of her mind, the memories accompanied by the emotions of Tsunade herself. The horror, the shock, the sympathetic pain, and the rage. Oh, most definitely the rage. She reached her goal quickly: the room of Uchiha Sasuke, still surrounded by doctors and nurses who wanted to make sure everything was absolutely perfect.

Tsunade bowled through the crowd, into the room. She looked around, and saw three ninja who looked slightly less then sympathetic to the Uchiha: Genma, still staggering around despite doctors orders, Shizune, here because it was her job, and Shikamaru, who was staring at Sasuke in disgust. The Godaime beckoned the three in, and sent everyone else out, locking the door and closing the drapes on the windows.

"I've called you three in because I need three witnesses to do this. So let's make this official. Shiranui Genma, Nara Shikamaru, Shizune, you three are here as witnesses to the execution of a traitor." At that pronouncement, Shizune's jaw dropped, Genma showed no expression whatsoever, and Shikamaru looked oddly pleased.

"Uchiha Sasuke, traitor to Konoha, has attempted to defect, taking our village's secrets with him. He has also attempted to kill one of our villages shinobi when they tried to retrieve him peacefully, one Uzumaki Naruto. For these crimes, he has been sentenced by the Godaime Hokage to death by lethal injection." She produced a small syringe from a medical pouch. "Do any of you object?"

Shikamaru shook his head immediately. Naruto was one of his better friends, and anyone that tried to kill him was immediately sentenced to death in Shikamaru's eyes. Genma muttered a "no" right after that. He had been a Konoha Shinobi for years, and any traitor, no matter who he was, deserved death. Finally, a few moments after, Shizune shook her head as well. Naruto was like a little brother to her as well, but she didn't like seeing anyone die. But she knew this was necessary.

With a quick stab, a press of the plunder, Uchiha Sasuke died.

Tsunade nodded at the three witnesses, then walked out of the room into the middle of the crowd. The gathering was still hovering around, wondering what the hell was going on. The strong voice of the Godaime rang out, "Uchiha Sasuke has been executed for crimes against Konoha! You may disperse!"

A simultaneous gasp came from every single member of the crowd. Most of them walked away a moment later, determined to get the story out of the witnesses or the Godaime herself later. The exceptions were Kakashi and Sakura, who were both still gaping. Tsunade patted the pink-haired girl on the shoulder. "Go and see your true teammate and friend. He'll need you now." The crying girl sobbed out an affirmative, and walked away towards Naruto's room. Kakashi moved to follow her, but Tsunade's next words stopped him, and sent a chill down his spine. "Kakashi, you've got serious explaining to do."

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Sakura staggered back down Tsunade had come from. Her mind was spinning. 'What did Sasuke-kun do to get executed?! It couldn't possibly have been that bad! I know! I'll ask Naruto! He'll tell me, and then I can go explain to the Hokage what she did wrong!' With that reassuring thought, she wiped the tears out of her eyes and continued to walk. Soon, she reached a sign that said 'Uzumaki' outside a door, and she quickly opened the door and walked in.

The sight that met her eyes shocked her. Inner Sakura asked her a question that she couldn't answer: '_Um… Why is Naruto kissing Ino?_'


	2. I Choose You!

A/N: Prompt the second!

I Choose You!, No Pairing

* * *

Naruto watched with a sick fascination as the mercenaries turned and ran. It seemed to bring about a different side of himself, a more… primal side. Seeing people flee in terror seemed to be like a balm to the sunburned skin that he hadn't even known he'd had. Thinking about it, Naruto began to feel nauseous, and looked around, glancing for anything else he could stare at that wouldn't make him feel like charging at someone, kunai in hand.

His eyes landed on the prone forms of Zabuza, demon of the mist, and Haku, the demon's apprentice. Both had fallen in very noble fashion. Haku had jumped in front of her master when she saw a finishing blow coming for him. Zabuza had done a suicidal rush at Gato, and his thugs, taking the annoying dictator down with a slice. As Naruto watched their bodies, his breath hitched as he saw Zabuza's chest struggled upwards, signaling a struggling for breath.

Before he knew it, Naruto was over, right next to the two of them. Sure enough, Zabuza was still alive, though just barely. A quick check confirmed that Haku was in a similar state. 'What the hell?!' Naruto thought. ' She took a hand, covered in lightning, right to the heart! How is she still breathing?!' Naruto would never truly know the answer to this question until he interrogated some medics.

'Not important!' he thought. 'They're both dying, fast! How can I save them?!' Naruto looked around, and saw that only the old bridge builder had shot him a look. The others probably figured he was mourning his foe, which was to be expected from a rookie gennin. After all, the psychiatrist in the academy had said in a general lecture that it was quite normal to… Wait! 'The Psychiatrist!' Naruto realized, and dug around in his equipment pouch for a much less frequently used item. As he fumbled, he unconsciously remembered the events that had brought these items into his possession…

_Naruto, age ten, was in the office of the school psychiatrist. And fat old man was ranting again, saying things along the line of 'I've never had such a problem with any other students in the twelve years I've worked at this academy! If you have this much trouble controlling yourself and your emotions, you might as well just quit being a ninja now!'_

_The blonde boy looked up, catching the end of that statement. "But I've gotta be a ninja! I've gotta do it to become Hokage! And I'm great at controlling myself and my emotions!" Inside, the gennin-to-be was thinking 'If I wasn't, I would have throttled you seven sessions ago!'_

_The psychiatrist snorted. "Yeah, right. Let me tell you this, now, brat. The only way you could ever become a ninja with your crappy emotional control is if you turned out to be the carrier of a lost bloodline, or ungodly talented at kenjutsu, or…" The man stopped, trying to find even more outlandish things to say. "Had Jounin at your beck and call every day for the rest of your life!" Having lost his ranting speed and his momentum, the man waved his hand, shooing Naruto out of his door._

_The man was ignorant of what he'd just done. As Naruto walked, he thought 'A Jounin? Whenever I wanted them? If that's one of the only ways I can become a ninja, I'll do it! Now, how do I get them? I don't think the old man would lend me one whenever I wanted one. If only I could tame them, like they were animals, this would be easy.' Naruto laughed, the image of Iruka-sensei being dragged around on a leash running through his mind._

_But, as happened to Naruto frequently, just thinking of one thing set off a chain of many other thoughts. Thinking of Iruka had surprisingly made Naruto think of a lesson they'd gotten last week, where Iruka had blathered on about the importance of seals for two hours. He had mentioned that seals were typically used to make explosive tags, but could be used to store things and trap things as well._

_It was the last two that Naruto thought of. A quick stop at the Hokage's tower to beg for some books, and another at a grocers who didn't seem to hate the sight of him as long as he had money, and Naruto was set. All he needed was some paper, a brush, a lot of ink, and a scroll with a freakishly long title that Naruto had mentally translated to 'The Complete and Utter Idiot's Guide to Sealing'. After a days practice, Naruto came to the quick and undeniable conclusion that his penmanship sucked._

_The next few months passed slowly. The only sign at all, to Iruka at least, that Naruto was applying himself at all was his handwriting, which was worlds better then it used to be. But he was still falling asleep more then he used to, and his pranks had grown so they were more frequent and on a grander scale then they'd used to be._

_What Iruka had missed was that all of Naruto's pranks revolved around writing and drawing. It wasn't uncommon to see odd designs scribbled on all the walls of Konoha, as Naruto tried out his fledgling sealing skills. When he turned eleven, almost exactly a year after his fateful run in with the academy shrink, Naruto had his first living success: a small squirrel was sealed into a slip of paper for a minute._

_From there, his seals grew leaps and bounds. Soon, he discovered that neither paper nor wood would make good conductors for living creatures. Instead, metal seemed to work best. And anything in flat shapes or square shapes worked terribly. Soon, he developed a good relationship with a blacksmith who was new to the area. The blacksmith made a little ball, hinged so that it could swing shut. But after finding out he needed a locking mechanism, a small, circular lock was created in the front of the ball, which he supercharged with his chakra._

_Then, only a month before his third try at the gennin test, Naruto finished it. It was a small ball, which would shrink and grow as he added and removed chakra from one seal. He had inked it extensively, literally covering it in seals for capture, containment, and comfort for those captured (or, the three Cs). He had managed to make a few that were, theoretically, sound, but he hadn't gotten a chance to test them out yet._

Now was the perfect chance. Looking around, no one had looked around at him yet. 'Probably giving me grieving time.' He thought, and finally located two of the small balls. With a quick blast of his chakra, they grew to normal size. Dropping one on each of the two, there was a blast of red light as the ball opened, and the two were sucked inside of it. That red light would both enforce the three Cs he had developed, as well as bind them to his will. They would still have their original personalities, but everything would be underlined by a drive to serve and protect him.

The locks in the fronts of Naruto's Ninballs (for lack of a better term) glowed red. According to Naruto's calculations, that should be the two of them instinctively fighting off his controls, and Naruto grinned in respect for their fighting spirit. But the ball dimmed, and there was a small chiming sound. A wide, victorious smile crossed Naruto's face, and he quickly shrunk and pocketed the two orbs. Now for the difficult part… explaining where the two bodies had gone.

After pushing two corpses into the ocean, and making up some story about giving the two a burial at sea, Naruto found himself reclining in the woods behind Tazuna's house. Looking around, Naruto saw no one was around, once again. Kakashi was still doing bodyguard duty, telling Naruto to relax for the day. Sasuke was confined to his bed after a near-death experience, and Sakura was hovering over him like an alien spaceship, preparing to beam up their subject for anal probing.

Naruto smacked his head quickly. 'Bad image! Bad image! Bad!' he thought, and forced his mind back to the topic at hand. He reached into his pocket, and pulled out the two balls, now helpfully labeled with a Z and a H. Dropping them on the ground triggered a flash of red light, which coalesced into the forms of Zabuza and Haku.

The orange-clad shinobi fought back a cheer. They were both there, and both completely unharmed! Even their clothes were completely fixed, which was something he hadn't anticipated. Zabuza had his sword back, and Haku's mask hung from her belt next to her senbon pouch. The two looked around in shock, before finally settling to look at Naruto. As he steeled himself for his explanation, the words died in his throat when Haku kneeled elegantly before him. Zabuza grudgingly copied his apprentice, though he held his sword out, Samurai style.

Naruto blanched at the unexpected subservience. But that turned into a chuckle when Zabuza gruffly said "Can we move now, or do you expect us to stay like this all day." Gesturing for them to rise, Naruto heavily sat on the grass. Zabuza stared at him, half in amusement, half in shock. "So, are you going to decide to tell us what the hell you did to us?"

* * *

The third exam. The chunin exams. It was the final test to go onto the finals, which would be watched by important people from all over the world. And the only thing standing in Uzumaki Naruto's path was a snarling dog boy named Kiba. Oh, and his puppy. "Hey, ref!" Naruto yelled at the coughing man watching the battlefield. "Is that dog legal? I mean, it's living, and alive, and… yeah. But is it allowed."

The proctor coughed again, and answered "Yes. All ninja tools, or things you'd usually use in a real battle are legal here. Any problems?"

Naruto shook his head, and reached into a small chamber on his belt. This was another invention of his in the time he had been told to 'go find someplace to train by yourself'. It stored all his Ninballs, and gave him the right one when wanted it. Unless it was his chakra signature that opened it, they wouldn't come out, making it utterly useless to anyone else. As Naruto grabbed the ball marked with a Z, he heard a muttered gasp from the stands, and could practically hear Kakashi's anticipation.

After all, ever since he'd finished the chamber, Sasuke, Sakura and Kakashi had been dying to know what was in it. Sasuke had backed off when Naruto said "Sure, as soon as you show me all you can do", and Kakashi had been puzzling over Naruto's telling him to look 'underneath the underneath'. Sakura was the hardest to dissuade, and Naruto had even caught her trying to get what was inside of it once.

He heard the anticipation die a bit as he pulled out the Ninball, and smirked when he heard a comment about 'That baka, trying to fool us into believing it was something important.' Kiba, on the other hand, stiffened. 'What is it?' Kiba was wondering, as he hastily beckoned Akamaru towards him. 'Smokescreens don't work on us, but if he's smart enough to use one of his stink bombs… Nah, Naruto wouldn't be that smart.' But just in case, he pulled Akamaru close, preparing to move at any moment if it proved dangerous.

Naruto looked up at Hayate. "Has the match started yet?" he asked, and the sickly man coughed his agreement. "Ok. Then… Zabuza, I choose you!" he yelled, and threw the ball down. As the mist shinobi emerged, in a combat position, Naruto felt rather then heard the shock coming from behind him, from everyone from Kakashi to Sakura to Iruka, down to even the insane Sand Nin. Zabuza looked over his shoulder at his summoner.

"The big moment, eh?" Zabuza asked, a laugh in his voice. "Good job. They all seem suitably shocked." He refocused his attention on Kiba, who clearly got the message that this guy was bad news, and asked "We doing this?"

Naruto nodded, and pointed authoritatively at Kiba. "Zabuza, use Kirigakure no Jutsu!" he yelled, and his ninja hasted to obey. Soon, the entire arena was covered in mist so thick it would take a sword to cut through it. Which, actually, wasn't such a bad idea. "Zabuza, Use Non-Lethal Kubikiri Frisbee!" Under his bandages, Zabuza smirked, and drew his sword back to throw.

A moment later, there was a meaty thud, and the crack of stone. "Zabuza, disperse the mist!" Naruto called, and the mist faded into the ground. It revealed Kiba, slumped against the wall, a huge purple bruise emerging in a pattern identical to that of the blunt edge of Zabuza's sword. Akamaru, who Kiba had had the presence of mind to drop, was sniffing his master while whimpering in concern. Naruto pointed his Ninball back at Zabuza. "Zabuza, return!" A beam of red light shot from the lock, enveloping the former mist shinobi. Right before he re-entered his plush Ninball home, Zabuza flashed his middle finger up at the still-shocked Kakashi.

"Um… Winner!" Hayate yelled. "Uzumaki Naruto and his… missing-nin!" There was a smattering of applause, but most of the people gathered were still in shock. Naruto groaned, and leapt back up to the stands, where, sure enough, a blast of questioning followed.

The next week, Naruto groaned again as he bounded on the rooftops of Konoha. It seemed that the only place he could be alone was when he ran around. Anywhere else, and he would be found and harassed again. It had started when the third exam prelims had ended. The Hokage had immediately summoned Naruto to a closed meeting, with only himself, the Hokage, Kakashi, Iruka, and some odd guy who was head of technology in the village.

_"Naruto, I'm very disappointed in you for keeping this such a big secret from us all. But if you just give them to me, and tell me where you got them, I'll forget all about it!" Kakashi said, going from serious and cold to doing one of those odd eye-smiles at the end._

_Naruto snorted, and his reaction was shown clearly on his face. "I'm disappointed in you, Kakashi-sensei. For a man who claims to be my sensei, it disappoints me that you want to take away one of my few advantages, probably to give them to someone else. Besides, Zabuza and Haku won't work for anyone else."_

_Kakashi stood straight, as if he'd been slapped. The friendly sensei was gone, leaving the ANBU warrior in his place. "Naruto, as your direct superior, I command you to give me those… things. They contain far too much power for anyone in your position to have."_

_The Nin-Catcher reached into his Chamber, grabbing both of the Ninballs, expanding them to their regular size. "Kakashi-sensei, as your direct subordinate, I'm telling you to fuck off." Kakashi wasn't really paying much attention to what Naruto was saying. Now that the Ninballs were out of the chamber, he was preparing to move to grab them. Seeing the intent on his distracted teacher's face, Naruto laughed. "If anyone other then me touches them, they're keyed to release. Kakashi-sensei, you barely beat Zabuza. How would you like to face Zabuza and Haku?"_

_Kakashi backed off, suppressing his glower. The odd scientist was the next to speak. "Naruto, do you have any of those, only empty?" Naruto shrugged, and produced an empty Ninball. He handed it over willingly, content in the knowledge that it wouldn't function for anyone else due to the amount of his chakra it was steeped in. The man turned it over in his hand, mumbling under his breath as inspected it inside and out. "Remarkable. Simply remarkable." He said. "I approve." The scientist handed it back, and stepped back again._

_Iruka was the next to step forward. "Naruto, where did you get these?" he asked, honest curiosity in his voice. "I've never seen or heard of anything like them!"_

_Naruto nodded. "You wouldn't have. I made them from scratch." The news that he had made them brought more shock into the room then actually using them had. Kakashi and Iruka were both shocked, though Iruka clearly had an undertone of pride on his face. The scientist looked calculating, and the Hokage was merely smiling again. With a gesture, the old man cleared the room of everyone but Naruto._

_"Naruto-kun," Naruto's Grandfather figure started. "How do they work?" Naruto shrugged, not seeing the harm, before launching into a basic explanation of how he'd managed to make his first Ninball. The next thing out of the old man's mouth was unexpected, however. "Just promise me you'll use them responsibly, eh?" he asked. After a shocked moment of his own, Naruto babbled a promise._

_The wizened old Hokage nodded, knowing Naruto's attitude towards giving his word, and knowing he would sooner die then make a false promise. "Well, Naruto-kun, you can go. I will keep what you have shared with me in strictest confidence. I shall instruct the others in this meeting to do the same. You may go now."_

That had been a week ago, and Naruto hadn't gotten a spare moment to himself. At his apartment, Kakashi would try to get his secrets out of him, or at least make him get rid of them. At Ichiraku, the odd scientist would be there, asking him if he would consider a job in technological research. The only one being normal at all was Iruka, who seemed thrilled that his favorite student had done something no one else had dreamed of.

Naruto, lost in his thoughts, barely registered a splash as stepped down on the roof. But he did notice it, and glanced down absently. A brief double-take later, and Naruto had confirmed it was blood, which was abundantly spouting from a body next to him. There were footprints in blood leading to the edge of the roof, showing that the killer had already left.

'Holy Hell!' Naruto thought in horror. 'Who would do something like that?!' Reaching over, his hand shaking, Naruto found his two fingers on the throat of the man who he now recognized as the sick proctor of the third exam. '… He's alive! I gotta go get help!' But he knew, deep down, that he wouldn't be able to get medical attention to Hayate in time. There was only one real course for him to take if he wanted Hayate to survive. Naruto reached into his chamber and produced an empty ninball.

_"Just promise me you'll use them responsibly, eh?"_

Naruto shook his head at the memory. "Old man," he said, as if the Hokage was right in front of him. "If there's a more responsible way to use these things, I haven't found it yet." He dropped the Ninball, and Hayate vanished into it. Naruto stared down at the orb in his hand which hadn't even glowed, a testament to how close to death Hayate was.

"What did this to you?"


	3. The Trump Card

A/N: Prompt the Third. Being Ninja, Ninja probably have a last resort move held in reserve. What's Naruto's?

Oh, and any who review this to nag me about other stories will be ignored and burned alive. While watching Teletubbies. And Listening to the musical stylings of two horny dogs. Because it's that annoying.

* * *

"Twist… power… control…" Naruto groaned out, forcing chakra down his arm and into the palm of his hand. There was a shimmer of blue energy, but a galestorm of wind exploded outwards instead of coalescing inwards. "Damn!" he yelled, and turned to his white-haired sensei. "I'm getting better at this, but don't you think you could try to teach me something else?!"

Jiraya looked over at his student, who was scratched up and panting. It had been the same story day after day for the last month. The brat would work on getting Rasengan down with only one hand, make some progress, then turn and bitch about needing something new to learn, or he'd never catch up with Sasuke. Sure enough, Naruto continued with "Sasuke has that damn Sharingan! He's probably learned dozens of jutsus by now! I need variety!"

The perverted old man groaned again. He was getting sick of this! Jiraya's hands moved into several seals, and red and black energy swirled into existence around his fist! Roaring in annoyance, Jiraya punched the rock directly behind Naruto, which sizzled and smoked. Moments later, the rock was only a smoldering pile of rock shavings.

Naruto looked from the pile to Jiraya, then back again. "Like that!" he yelled in minor awe. "Teach me that!"

Jiraya shook his head. 'I knew that was a mistake.' He thought. "Nope. There's no way in the nine hells I'm teaching you my trump move." At Naruto's questioning look, Jiraya sighed and began to explain. "Every ninja worth his kunai knows not to throw all of his techniques around like they're candy. He always holds at least one technique back, and never shows it to anyone, no matter how awesome it is."

"Then what's the point of actually having the move if no one knows that you do?"

"You idiot!" He yelled, smashing Naruto in the head. As he pulled himself up, a huge bump emerging on his head, Jiraya continued his explanation. "But if no one knows about the move, then you have the perfect surprise against an enemy. Take my _**Gamahara Juuji**_ (Toad-Stomach Cross). Now that I've showed you, exactly four people have ever known it exists, and two of them learned about it in their last thirty seconds."

"So… if I get a trump move, it can be pulled out when I need it most, and wipe the floor with whoever I'm fighting?" At Jiraya's nod, he asked "How do I make one? I'd just use Rasengan, but I use it almost everytime I fight!"

"Most trump moves spawn from already existing moves. Mine comes from my Toad Stomach entrapment, and my Katon affinity. What you'll have to do is find out what works best for you!"

As Naruto ran off, randomly practicing every taijutsu maneuver he had ever thought of, learned, or ever saw anywhere, Jiraya wondered if he should have told Naruto that it had taken him two decades to create his. 'Nah. It's fun to watch him squirm!'

* * *

Jiraya sat, watching his pupil grunt and strain over his new and "SUPER AWESOME!" move. Sadly, it seemed that the brat really had no idea how to start. Every few minutes, Naruto's face would light up, and he'd try another off the wall taijutsu move. Just as quickly, he'd shake his head, and sit back down. Then the cycle would repeat itself, with the attacks getting odder and more impossible as time went on.

As Naruto completed his next attack (a ricochet assault by bouncing off two trees, ending in a series of high-speed axe kicks), Jiraya stood up. "Brat, you obviously have no damn idea what you're doing! What the point in doing all the freaky punches if you have no idea what do after the move is finished?!"

Naruto looked back up at his sensei. "I'm learning what doesn't work." Jiraya, temporarily dumbstruck, cleared his head and gestured for Naruto to continue. "I'm practicing all the physical moves first. When I get something that feels right, I'm going to build on it. But so far, I've tried thirty-seven attacks, and none of them have felt right. That last one was ok, but it would only work with the correct terrain. My little 'Shuriken Maelstrom' a few minutes ago was pretty good, but I can't count on having the correct tools. Sure, these moves are pretty cool, and I'll be working them into my usual set, but nothing so far is right for my awesome secret technique."

The Toad Sage grinned a little. Every now and again, the brat showed why he was worth training. Those little flashes of logic, or even brilliance at some point, were what he was here for. "I see. But you're looking for the wrong thing." This time, it was Naruto who was confused. "If you go for something that fits your style perfectly, it won't surprise your enemy. You've gotta find something abnormal, that's nothing like anything you've ever used before."

Naruto nodded slowly. "So, for me, it would either be a high class ninjutsu, or some kind of Genjutsu?"

Jiraya shook his head. "In layman's terms, yes. But the more exotic, in this case, the better." He pulled out a small scroll, and tapped one of the seals on it. A small stack of books emerged in a plume of smoke, and Jiraya passed them over to his pupil. "Take a look through these, and see if anything grabs your attention." Naruto gazed at the stack with a distasteful expression on his face, but then shrugged, as if resigning himself. He reached over at random, and pulled out _Ninja Wire and You_.

An hour later, there was a heap of literature behind Naruto, where he had thrown all the books that he had grabbed and didn't interest him. _Ninja Wire and You _was kinda cool, but would require too much dedication and time to learn it for only one move. The topics broached in _Elemental Manipulation for Dummies _were interesting, but it would need further clarification, which Jiraya would have to give him. Sadly, the Toad Sage had retreated, stressing that this was a highly personal project. Shaking his head, Naruto reached over for another book. But his time, he paused, his hand hovering over one of the remaining three books.

Two of them, he discounted right away. _Summoning Secrets _was interesting for a later day, but that would probably end up in the pile behind him right now. _Sucker Punch: The Art of Fighting Dirty_ wouldn't help him at all. But the last one… Naruto reached over and grabbed _Swords of the West_. Flipping to a random page, Naruto began to read.

* * *

Jiraya stood, as he watched Naruto struggled with splitting waterfalls. The training trip had ended before Naruto had managed to complete his Trump Card. But now, Kakashi seemed to be giving Naruto the perfect way to complete it. Jiraya would have done it himself, but honestly, where's the fun in that?

Sure enough, no sooner had Kakashi and Yamoto left for the day, then Naruto sprang back to his feet. The Toad Sage would have stopped him, but honestly, some of Naruto's best ideas came when he was half-exhausted. Naruto crossed his fingers in the usual seal, and a Kage Bunshin swung into existence. But the clone transformed itself so fast that the human body was never actually seen, leaving a bright, gleaming sword in it's place.

Jiraya shook his head, and walked away. It wasn't his place to intrude anymore on this highly personal process. At least, that's what he told himself and would tell Tsunade if she asked. The fact that he had heard giggles coming from the hot springs was sure coincidence, of course.

* * *

Months Later, Naruto and Sasuke were facing off once again. What had started as a three-way fight including Itachi had gotten down to two after an accidental Rasengan took down the weasel. "Naruto, to gain my vengeance now, I must slay you!" Sasuke yelled, insanity dancing from his vaunted eyes.

Naruto was panting heavily. He didn't have much left, after all. He only had about ten percent of his chakra remaining in the tank, while Sasuke was smirking because he had a cursed seal on him. 'What the hell is that thing?' Naruto wondered, temporarily sidetracked. 'First, it warped his mind and made him a slave to somebody's will. Now, it's some powerup with no drawbacks! What the hell!' Naruto's eyes narrowed, as he had a stare down with Sasuke.

Those marks, those tomoe, they were the source of everything! The Curse Seal looked just like it! Almost all his Sasuke-related issues had begun when Sasuke had awoken that damn bloodline! A deep growl awoke in his throat, as he moved his hand to the empty air above his shoulder.

"Hah, you moron!" Sasuke cackled as Naruto prepared to grab the empty air. "There's no possible jutsu that can defeat me that you possess! I know all your skills! I know all your powers, I know all about your-" He was cut off as a gigantic sword (in reality, a transformed Shadow Clone) appeared in Naruto's hand.

"I didn't know you had sword prowess." Sasuke said, his voice reflecting his shock. "But, that thing is far too large and unwieldy, and not big enough to have the power like the swords of the Mist Seven. It is nothing at all like the pure might and elegance that my katana contains. But, Come, Naruto. Let's see what you've got." Sasuke, in his arrogance, never thought that Naruto might do something with the sword other then fight with it.

So, he was understandably shocked when Naruto plunged it, blade first, into the ground. There was just enough of the blade stuck in the ground to make it stand up on it's own, but it left most of it exposed. Naruto ducked and covered his ears. "FIRE IN THE HOLE!" he screamed. And with a blast, the battle was over.

* * *

An hour later, Naruto was being debriefed by his perverted hermit of a teacher. "So, let me get this straight." Jiraya began. "You transformed a Shadow Clone into one of the swords you found in my book."

Naruto, from his position on the cot, nodded. "It's called a Claymore." He threw in helpfully. "It's from some weird place where guys wear skirts!"

"Ok, you transformed a Shadow Clone into a Claymore. Then, later, you made the blade entirely of Doton Energy with a small dash of Suiton, all surrounding a core of pure Fuuton?"

"I got the idea when Kakashi-sensei had me do some elemental training! He told me I could manipulate any element if I tried hard enough. I just did some earth and water training when I was done with my wind."

Jiraya held up a hand to shut his student up. "And where did you get the idea to make the blade explode?"

The ramen lover looked at Jiraya like he was a complete moron. "From your book on swords, of course! The Claymore had this little side entry, about something called 'Claymore Mines', which apparently sent shrapnel directly into the opponent as long as the mine was facing the right way. I just substituted Doton and Suiton for shrapnel and Fuuton for the boom."

"And… this all adds up to this nice statue of a horrified looking Uchiha Sasuke?"

"Yeah. He's still alive, and completely conscious of everything being said around him. The Suiton froze most of him, putting him into a kind of stasis, except for the brain. The Rock trapped him, and… yeah. That's basically it."

"…"

"So, Ero-sennin, what do you think of my trump card?" Naruto asked, waving his hand in front of the perverts face. The man had gotten a smile on his face that was usually reserved for staring at Tsunade's chest.

"Naruto… how much longer till the pigeons return from their trip in the south?"


	4. The Snake Shrink

Prompt 4- The Snake Shrink

Anko bit her thumb, and began going through the familiar seals of a Kuchyose no Jutsu. It was time, finally time, for her to try. She had signed the snake contract a decade ago, but had never actually tried to summon the snake boss before. "Kuchyose: Manda!" she yelled, and jammed her thumb into the ground.

The results were instantaneous. A giant snake, easily as large as the Hokage tower, appeared in a cloud of smoke. It jerked it's head around, trying to find out where it was. After a moment, it's serpentine gaze landed on Anko, who resisted the urge to run screaming. "Sssoooo…. The little viper has decided to try and call me forth at last… how many sacrifices have you prepared for me?"

Anko almost cursed out loud. 'Damn! I knew I forgot something!' After a moment, the expectant stare of the snake turned hard as Anko said "None, great Manda. But why do you really need the sacrifices?" At the serpent's confused look, she continued, lying and guessing through her teeth. "I mean, one of the toads once told us that you just take them to the summon's realm, and breed them. You eat some of them, but mostly you just raise them like chickens."

Manda hissed angrily. "Hssss…. What toad dared speak those words to you?"

"Um…. Gama… Gamafreddy! Yeah! It was Gamafreddy!"

"Dammmmmnnn!" Manda hissed/cursed. "I knew I should have spoken to George about him! He's always going around, sspiiling all of our secretsssss!"

To that, Anko could only do two things: thank Kami for her luck, and ask "George?"

"Gamabunta, of course! You don't think that's his real name, do you?"

Anko shook her head, getting back to the topic at hand. "But, great Manda, why do you continuously raise these humans, and always get more? How does that make you feel?" 

Manda stared at her for a minute, and said cautiously "This never goes further then the two of us, right?" Anko could only nod.

An hour later, a giant couch had somehow appeared, and Manda lay on it. Anko sat in a char at it's head, scribbling down notes as the snake continued to talk "… and then my dad said 'Earl, don't drink the green water! It's bad for you! BUT I ALREADY HAD! And he was right! I felt horrible!" Anko nodded, and continued writing. Manda stiffened, as much as a snake could anyway, and said "Orochimaru is trying to summon me. Thank you for your help, puny little- I mean, Anko."

Manda disappeared in another plume of smoke, while Anko just stared at the giant red couch. ",,, My brain hurts." But she couldn't move, as before she did, Enma appeared on the couch. "It's going to be a long day." She muttered.

Miles away, Gamabunta and Katsuyu, both with their respective summoners on their heads, stared as Orochimaru called upon the powers of his most feared snake. In yet another plume of smoke, Manda appeared. The two prepared for battle, but Manda just looked up at his armless caller.

"NO!" He snarled. "I'm sick of fighting! I'm sick of being associated with a pedophile! I'm sick of all this crap! I'm leaving the summoning business, and never coming back. My son Paul can be the new Manda. But now, I'm going back to being what I always wanted to be… EARL! LORD OF THE DANCE!"

In still another cloud of smoke (this time, it resembled a tutu), Manda- er, Earl vanished. Orochimaru fell with a thud, and looked up as his former teammates sprouted similar evil grins. "Um… can we talk about this?"


	5. Justice

A/N: Here's the next one! It's actually very, very serious.

Pairing is a slight touch of Naru/Temari

This was in response to a challenge to write an omake beginning with the line "If there is any justice in this world, they'll find it. They have to." As you can see, I have.

Enjoy

* * *

If there is any justice in this world, they'll find it. They have to.

After all, wasn't that what was supposed to happen? The good guy was framed, and eventually his friends would come to the rescue. They would find some sort of evidence damning the accuser and vindicating him in the process. He was the good guy! He had to be free! There was no way his friends would let him rot like this!

But this wasn't the fairytales. In the fairytales, the hero was not the one needing rescue. The hero was the one who rescued the princess, slew the dragon (or in this case, the serpent), and lived happily ever after. The hero did not discover the body of his friend in the lair of his enemy. He did not observe her last breaths, nor the smile she tried to give him as light left those pearly white eyes. He did not, with trembling hands, wipe the hair from her face as he numbed to the world.

The hero was not the one who had been betrayed by a friend and left to rot. And he was no hero. He, after all, had never been a hero. Maybe he had convinced himself that he was, and had had great shining moments in his life to help him. But he was no hero. Heroes didn't watch their friend's eyes shine yellow and place a dagger in his unfeeling hands. Heroes weren't discovered with their chakra bleeding red, and captured as a monster. And as he wasn't a hero, there was no justice in his world.

So he watched, his mind's eye ranging out from the dank dungeon they had imprisoned him in. He watched as pure green eyes were clouded with horror, and then acceptance. He watched as blonde hair shook as the face it was attached to quiver with held back emotion. He watched as his homeland was taken, destroyed, and remolded so it looked similar but was completely different. His home destroyed. His true friends killed and ousted. But it didn't matter anymore. After all, he wasn't a hero, and he had accepted his powerlessness.

But he had forgotten something: even if he didn't believe himself to be a hero, others did. Others looked up to him, held him up as a role model. They looked at him as the pinnacle on humanity, one they should all aspire to be like. And those people, those that wanted to be _like_ him, did not forget about their icon.

A sand-covered hand reached out, beckoning in the darkness.

"Come. We must get out of here, so we may live to fight another day."

A callused hand reached out, unconsciously in the same position as its sandy brethren.

"If you don't get out of here, Konoha will be lost! You are all that keeps some people going, and keeps the vile snake out of our hearts and minds!"

A third hand reached outstretched. But this one was different. It was both callused and sandy, both strong and delicate, both giving and needy.

"They need you." The hand attached to the voice said, melodically stating what he knew within his shattered soul. "_I_ need you."

Pale thin hands reached out, attempting to grab hold of the offered hands. Sensing his lack of strength, the strong hand of sand reached out to steady his left side, while the callused one grabbed hold of his right.

Uzumaki Naruto stood on his feet for the first time in years.

On his left stood Sabaku no Gaara.

On his right stood Rock Lee.

To his back stood Temari.

And the pale face of Uzumaki Naruto split painfully, showing the first smile since Hyuuga Hinata's death five years prior.

Maybe he would get one more chance at that hero thing.

Maybe there was justice in this world.


	6. Copying the Copycat

A/N: Not much to say here, other then this was so much longer handwritten.

Copying the Copycat  
No Pairing  
Prompt 6  
FIGHT!

* * *

Uzumaki Naruto was, quite simply, pissed.

The reason wasn't the scorn and the hate of the villagers. No, he was quite used to that, even if he didn't understand it. It wasn't the constant abuse and rejection from the pink-haired object of his desire. It wasn't even the cold stares and icy arrogance of one Uchiha Sasuke.

Ok, maybe that was part of it. But wasn't just the Uchiha. The feral Inuzuka had his own brand of loud, obnoxious arrogance. The silent Aburame had his own version of it as well. All of them had something Naruto lacked.

No matter what it was, all three of them had something Naruto didn't. And they all had something Naruto didn't understand. Kiba could talk to dogs! Shino had a thing with bugs! And even the Uchiha had some super awesome power! Naruto had no clue how they did it, but they did!

For Naruto was precisely nine years old, and had never heard of a bloodline limit before. All Naruto knew was that people had some really cool power, and he didn't! So, using the supremely complex abilities of the nine-year old brain, Naruto hatched a cunning plan.

'I'll work super hard, and get my own super awesome power. One that's better then the bugs, better then the dogs, and better then even Sasuke's… whatever that is!'

With the idea in Naruto's brain, all he needed was something to work for. Unfortunately, his ingenuity had been exhausted for the moment, and even Naruto knew that a super ramen power or the ability to make everything orange would be a rather bad idea. So, stewing over what superpower he should try to copy, Naruto wandered around the village.

In a rather fortunate coincidence, Naruto walked by a bar with a couple of chunin sitting at it. One had recently returned from a mission to Iwa, and had a trophy to show for it. "This here's an Iwa Bingo Book." He said, brandishing a bright green book at his companion. "They usually don't let these out of the village! It has complete dossiers of what they know about every ninja. They even have the data on our ninja in here. Lucky for me that my last target was stupid enough to drop it when he tripped."

The ninja, thrilled with his lucky victory, made a mistake. He placed the book down on his table as he turned around on his chair to yell an order for some booze back to the bartender. His friend, clearly the follower in the pair, matched him exactly, down to the order. When the two turned back, the book stealer opened his mouth again. "You see, this book-"

"What Book?"

The man gestured at the spot he had just placed his book on. "The Bingo Book of course! I just told you all about it!"

"No, I know you just told me all about it. But where is it?" At those words, the book stealer finally looked down at where his book used to be. Staring at the empty space blankly, his mouth slowly fell open. After a few seconds of staring blankly, he jumped to his feet cursing.

"WHO TOOK MY BOOK?!"

A few miles away by this time, Naruto snickered as he heard the enraged yell. As he ran, he thought 'This book has all the super awesome ninja skills ever made! All I gotta do is find the best one and do the same thing!'

Judging himself far enough away from any pursuers for the moment, Naruto ran up to his favorite spot: on top of the fourth Hokage's giant stone head. Nestled between the granite hair of his hero, Naruto finally opened the lime green book.

Reasoning that the best stuff would be in the back, Naruto flipped there quickly. 'Hmm… Mitarashi Anko. Nah, too much fishnet. Maybe Sarutobi Asuma. Wait, too many cigarettes. I'll never live to be Hokage if I smoke that much! Gekkou Hayate… cool, but where would I get a sword?'

Naruto continued to scan the bingo book, denying each entry in turn. Until, fifteen minutes later, He found one that seemed good to his nine-year old mind. "Hatake Kakashi." He read outloud. "Known as the Copy Ninja. Has stolen and copied over one thousand jutsu, and is an expert at predicting his opponents moves and techniques. Is Immune to genjutsu, and it is said that he can copy anything at all with the aid of his-"

But that was as far as he got, because at that moment, an angry (and short of breath) chunin stormed up and snatched the book out of Naruto's slack hands. He stalked off, steam practically coming out of his ears, muttering about the third's law and annoying brats who run too damn fast.

That left Naruto in an odd position. He knew where he was, and knew where he wanted to be. But he had no idea how to get there! The book had been taken before he'd gotten to that part.

'Hmmm…' Naruto thought again, trying to puzzle out how to become like that man in the book. 'To copy so many things, he's gotta have a perfect memory! So I'll work on that. He also has to see stuff to copy it, so he has to have perfect vision. I'll need to do that too. Predicting stuff… no clue. No idea what genjutsu I, so I can't be immune to it yet! But memory and sight? I can do that!' He thought with childlike optimism.

Naruto stood, and stretched. This simple decision was the beginning of a new path. All because he'd never heard of a bloodline limit. But even if he had, would he have tried to do this anyway? Probably, because, after all, who needs a bloodline?


	7. Drinking with Naruto for Fun and Profit

A/N: I was bored. So sue me.

* * *

When one mentioned inter-village summits and surprises, most people would think of wars being started or nations crumbling, or any number of things.

What most people didn't think of was a memeber of the most powerful delegation getting absolutely hammered.

It had started with a little bottle that the Cloud Representative's bodyguards had. It was alcohol so potent that it was illegal in several nations and restricted in the others. After all, it was guaranteed to get drinkers drunk with one sip, even those resistant to regular alcohol.

"So this thing'll get anyone drunk?"

"Yep. Anyone."

"Sweet! I've never been able to get drunk before! I've gotta do it once!"

"Isn't never getting drunk a good thing?"

"No! It's like a rite of passage. All men have to wake up with a huge hangover, not knowing where they are, at least once!"

Yugito, the cloud bodyguard, groaned. Males were the same everywhere, it seemed. With a small shake of her head, she tossed the bottle over to Naruto. He grinned widely and raised the bottle in a toast before downing the entire thing with one gulp.

----

"And you know who else is a bastard!" Naruto yelled into Kiba's ear. "That green dude on the pea cans! 'He's all You Can't See me', and I'm all 'You're right there!', and he's all like 'No I'm not!', and I'm like 'Whoa!'."

Kiba winced in pain, and once again moved farther away from his wasted, blonde friend. He turned to the smirking girl on his other side. "You just had to give it to him when I was the one watching him, didn't you!"

"Complain all you want," Yugito replied. "I think the bit about the evil man on the oatmeal box was pretty good."

Any further verbal sparring or drunken ramblings were stopped before they began when several ninja blurred into existence in front of them. Yugito and Kiba fell into defensive stances immediately. Just as they recognized the arrivals and began to relax, Naruto swayed over and wrapped an arm around Gaara's shoulder.

"Dude. Your sister's hot!"

Any feelings of safety that Kiba or Yugito had were immediately destroyed.

Gaara looked over his friend and then at his now bright red sister. "Really." He said.

"Yeah! I mean, nice face, good butt, but the taa-taas are where the money is!" He said through his ever-present grin.

The comment sent Gaara right into an internal war. Not the usual struggle for control that he had, but one between the urge to squish his friend and the desire he had to egg him on. Option two won. "So who else is hot, Naruto?" He asked as he glanced around the others who had accompanied him to find the Kyuubi Vessel.

"Oh, tons o' people, G." Gaara's non existent eyebrow began twitching, but Naruto continued. "Sakura's friend is a nice piece. I mean, body's alright, but face is just awesome. And catgirl? Yeah, she got a great ass. I mean, I'd hit that so hard, you'd need lube, tongs, and the fourth gate open to get me out!"

Naruto sat down in the middle of the street, an exaggerated thinking expression on his face. "You know, take her face," he pointed at Ino, who had already turned a deep scarlet.

"Her boobs!" Temari was starting to look for a place to hide.

"And her ass!" Yugito was smiling like the cat that had gotten the cream.

"And you'd have the perfect chick!"

Garra surveyed the indicated girls expressionlessly. "You like blondes, don't you." He stated, rather then asked.

"Heh heh! Crawly." was his response as Naruto began poking a passing bug.

Yugito hauled him up by his shoulder. "I've got to get him back to his hotel room. Sorry if this caused you any problems." She began to drag him away, but he fell down, flat on his face. She looked back at the group with a bemused look.

"He's heavier then he looks. A hand?"

-----

"Wha? HOL- owwwww.."

Those were Naruto's first words as he woke up the next morning.

Hangovers were a bitch! "Never doing that again." he mumbled under his breath, quiet enough to not hurt his head anymore.

"Oh, I wouldn't mind." Came a voice from his left.

"Can't say I would have a problem with it myself." This one was from his right.

"Is it morning yet?" This one, sleepier, undeniably came from around his chest.

He looked to the left. Ino.

He looked to the right. Yugito.

He looked straight ahead. There was Temari, curled up on his chest.

A massive grin bloomed across his face. He looked right again, looking Yugito straight in the eyes.

"Hey. Got anymore?"


	8. Survival: Fog on the Streets

I've decided that I'm not going to be doing much work on this anymore, especially since the general concept is going to be rolled up in one of my other fics (comin eventually to a place near you). So this, the only chapter of Survival, is the newest bit in Vesvius's Junk Box.

* * *

Uzumaki Naruto had been called short. He had been called loud. He had been called demon, brat, prick, puissant, scum, ass, fucktard, and any other derogatory word one could think of. Sure, some were whispered when they thought he couldn't hear, and some were shouted out as they chased him (and were subsequently dragged away by ANBU). But one thing that he had never been called before was 'Roadkill'.

And he wasn't going to be called that now, thanks to some superb (for a civilian) reflexes, which managed to get him out of the way of a speeding cart before he got flattened. As the cart raced by, Naruto glared at it. 'Wow.' He thought. 'That's a damn big cart.' Not wanting to waste any more time, Naruto ran after it and jumped on to the back.

'Heh. When this bastard stops, I'll get out and prank his house good! I'll egg it, I'll do some flaming crap, I have some new paint bombs...' As Naruto rambled on mentally about how sorry he was going to make this poor sucker for almost running him down, he failed to pay attention to anything around him, other then making sure he held on.

That was his mistake. If he had, he would have noticed that the cart wasn't headed towards either the residential, or the commercial district. Instead, it was heading out towards the gate. It didn't register to Naruto that they had stopped so the merchant in the front could present his papers to the ninja in charge of the gate today. It didn't register that he was leaving the village. It finally hit him after about twenty minutes that the cart hadn't stopped yet.

'Holy Hell!' he thought, taking in his surroundings for the first time. The cart was going at a breakneck speed, tearing down the path going away from the village. Looking over his shoulder, Naruto could already see the imposing gates of Konoha fading from view in the distance. He cursed more. Sure, he had been distracted for failing the gennin test. Sure, he had been planning the prank of a lifetime. But that was no excuse for being dragged out of the village!

Making sure he was on securely, Naruto inched along the back of the cart. Finally, he got to the door, which he opened with no big struggle. He entered, and looked around at the mountains of supplies towering over him. On a table, held to the floor by nails, Naruto saw a few scrolls. One was labeled 'Inventory', another was titled 'Markup', and the third was labeled 'Course'.

Quickly, Naruto opened that last one. Sure enough, there was a map on it, with a guide to their location marked out with a dotted line. Naruto held it up, held it sideways, and rubbed his chin in confusion. 'I knew I should have paid attention in Geography!' he thought, and peered at the word where the line ended. 'Where the fuck is… Kiri?'

Days later, Naruto was discovered in the cart when it reached its destination, living off the small mountain of food the merchant had been planning on selling. The corpulent man yelled "STOWAWAY!", and Naruto was thrown out on the streets of Kiri, carrying only the clothes on his back, a really old kunai in his shoe, oh, and a ration pack he'd managed to grab before he was thrown.

"Well," Uzumaki Naruto said as he surveyed the streets that were lightly brushed with blood and fog. "This should be interesting."

'Boring!' Temari thought as she delivered a cat back to the mission building in Suna. After all, she had the highest cat catching rate in the history of the Cat Catching mission. The real shocker was that she was on a team with… well, not really a team. In all actuality, it was just her and her sensei Baki on their 'squad'. After all, Kankurou would be graduating next year, and Gaara, the year after that, making them a team that had already been nicknamed 'Trinity of Doom'. And with those two coming, and definitely being assigned to Team Baki, her father, the esteemed Kazekage, had ruled that she should be placed on a team by herself, so as not to 'get used to lesser teammates before her brothers could join her'.

The Sand Princess shook her head, half in memory and half in humor. The humor part came from what she was doing: dropping a shell-shocked cat in the hands of its annoying, overweight owner. Baki looked at her, shaking his head in disapproval. The cat catching mission was supposed to build teamwork and support for the others. But, since Temari was by herself, she had to improvise. Cue practicing with her fan and the most terrified cats in the world.

As Temari and her half-shrouded sensei walked from the building, she turned towards him. "I've got to get home today." She said, and Baki nodded before disappearing in a swirl of sand. Usually, Temari wouldn't leave after only one mission, but today was a very, very important day.

Well, not really for her, but this day was crucial for her younger brother. After all, this was the only day all month that the exhaustion of staying up for weeks on end due to an insane raccoon caught up with Gaara, and he was sent careening into a sleep without dreams. But for some reason, no matter how tired he was, Gaara couldn't sleep easily without Temari being in the house. So she walked, staring straight ahead as her feet moved on autopilot.

Yondaime was a word the meant a lot of things to a lot of different people. In Konoha, the Yondaime Hokage was known for sealing Kyuubi, and being one of the greatest heroes in the village's history. The Yondaime Tsuchikage was known for being one stubborn son of a bitch, and simply not knowing when to give up the war against Konoha. The Yondaime Kazekage, however, was known for two things. The first was his mastery of glass which he used with vicious efficiency on anyone who displeased him. The second was his malice, hatred, and mild insanity that all combined to make one hell of an unstable leader.

Said unstable leader was currently sitting in his chair behind his imposing oaken desk, listening to a report by the Jounin he had appointed to be the sensei to his children. Currently, the sensei was reporting on how Temari had tried to blow up another cat, and how she had rushed home so Gaara could sleep. Maybe it was just the insanity talking, but if there was one thing the Kazekage didn't want, it was for Gaara to be sleeping peacefully. After all, Gaara was already going to be a powerful kamikaze weapon at some point. But as long as he slept at all, he would retain a hint of sanity, and discover that he truly did not want to die.

And that could not be allowed. As Gaara only slept when Temari was in the building, Temari was the hinderance. "Baki, I'm assigning Temari a solo diplomacy mission in…" Two nations jumped out at him: Kusa and Kiri. But Kusa was not as big a power as Suna was, and had had no notable political struggle. So he would have no reason to send Temari to Kusa, something his sharp eyed daughter and some of the public would realize. "Kiri, to improve relations with the Sandaime Mizukage. You will not accompany her on this, and she will receive steady pay for a continuous C-Class mission."

Baki bowed and left. The Kazekage reached over to grab the appropriate form to make the mission official. 'If only Temari wasn't such a calming influence on Gaara, she would have been such an asset to the nation.' He thought as he scribbled. 'Pity she reminds Gaara so much of his mother…'

Temari looked up from the magazine she had been reading to find Baki standing in the living room shared by the three sand siblings. She raised an eyebrow, unsurprised by his appearance, as it was one of the many odd things she had gotten used to about her sensei. He wore his face half covered, carried no tangible weapons, and seemed unable to use doors. "Baki-sensei, what's going on?" she asked. But as she continued to sit there, and Baki said nothing, she grew more and more worried. Was there something wrong with Kankurou? Did Gaara kill someone else's puppy? Had she received ANOTHER visit from a would-be-suitor?

Unknown to her, Baki was fighting an internal battle. 'I could take her now, out on long range scouting missions, and leave her there. She's a competent shinobi, she could eke out a decent live in any of the smaller villages or civilian towns. Or, I could take her out and kill her myself. It would be, without a doubt, kinder then whatever her father plans for her. But Kazekage-sama would find out, like he always does and I have no desire to get my spinal cord severed by a glass shard. I was given an order by my Kazekage, and I am a Suna Shinobi, so…' He tuned back into the world, blinking as Temari was waving her hand two inches in front of his face.

"Prepare for a departure." He said monotonously. "You have been chosen for a continuous C-class mission as goodwill ambassador to Kiri. You depart tomorrow."

Temari blinked as her sensei vanished in yet another swirl of sand. Never in her life had she ever seen her sensei look at her almost pityingly as he did his sand-based exit.

As Temari was riding the small horse-drawn wagon from Suna to Kiri, she began to understand why. The wagon was small, there was barely enough room for her, oh, and she was being sent to a damn borderline hostile nation with no bodyguards, no support, and only the clothes on her back!

As Temari sat there, fuming, the driver poked his head through the canvas covering the front, leering at her. Temari looked at him incredulously. She was the Kazekage's daughter! In Suna, men had been terrified to look at her, let alone be as brazenly obvious as this pedophile was. Clearing her head, Temari responded with the universal "Shut the Fuck up and Drive" signal, symbolized by a bent arm and an outstretched thumb and middle finger.

As the man's face contorted in anger, Temari reached for her fan, just in case. It was one of the smartest moves she'd ever made.

As she lifted the closed fan, a sudden danger sense rippled over her, and she ducked, holding the fan in front of her. Kunai and shuriken, both forged in the distinctive style of Kiri, deflected off the hard iron. 'Fuck!' Temari thought. 'Assassins!' She glanced down at her weapon, noting the dents left by the barrage of weaponry. 'And not run of the mill ones either! Those were top quality weapons!' With the speed of desperation, Temari ducked out of the back of the wagon, rolling away from the still-moving contraption.

Two men, both clothed in black and tinges of dark blue, leapt from the wagon top, landing lightly in front of the Sand Gennin. One looked at her, shrugged, and said "Sorry. Just business." He charged, a wicked looking scimitar being drawn from a sheath on his back. Temari held her fan up quickly, angled to one side so the blade slip off of it, leaving the attacker wide open for a strike. Cursing the fact that she had no bladed weapons, Temari swung the butt of her fan, attempting to bludgeon her foe.

But the man was too quick for it, and jumped backwards. "Aw…" the same one said. "The little girl wants to play!" The man held his scimitar horizontally in front of him, tilting it to catch the dim light from the cloud-covered sun. "**Kenjutsu: Ishi Kirema!** (Sword Technique: Stone Break)" he said, and the light glittered on the blade, giving it a reddish tinge. He charged again, blade cutting a silent swathe in the fog.

Temari, sensing something very different, dodged the overhand strike that had been aiming for her head. Glancing at the spot where the sword landed on the ground, her jaw dropped. Instead of the perfectly sound dirt and stone path she'd been standing on a few moments ago, a gaping hole that seemed deeper then she was tall and wider then her fan had opened up. 'Ok…' She thought. 'Definitely not ordinary assassins.' Scarily enough, instead of a calm plan, observation, or even a frenzied yell, her next thought was 'That gives a new meaning to pothole.'

Shaking her head, she cursed at herself for making mental wisecracks instead of counterattacking. That moment had cost her, as the man charged again, scimitar drawn back for another vicious overhand slash. Temari, in a fit of fear, rage, and indignation, counter charged, fan raised to meet the strike. But at the last moment, it swept down, taking his legs out from underneath him. As the man struggled to his feet, Temari snapped her fan open and struck. "**Ninpo: Kamaitachi!** (Ninja Art: Cutting Whirlwind)" She screamed, a gale of wind rising to meet her call.

The ninja, caught off guard, was taken down again, hit in the back by razor-sharp winds. He tried to struggle to his feet again, but was met head on by another blast of wind from Temari's fan. The same attempt was met again by another gale. After the fourth attempt, the man was barely moving. At the fifth one, he wasn't moving at all. Blood slowly began pour from his head, where the wind had blasted him so hard that his head met a previously buried rock. And the rock had won.

There was the slow sound of applause behind her, and Temari spun, fan at the ready. She had forgotten the second one! But he hadn't moved since he had landed, save to slowly applaud her. "Good job." He said in a baritone voice that somehow conveyed approval and condescension. "Kuza was a headstrong idiot who liked to play with his food before he ate it, but he was still chunin. Good job."

"You know," the shinobi said as he stopped applauding, seeming ignoring the fact that Temari was trying to ready another Kamaitachi. "I like you. I really do. I was hired to kill you, but instead, I think I'll let you go. Sure, you'll have no where to go, but you'll survive. I truly think you will. But so you don't manage to leave, thus depriving me of future enjoyment…" The ninja shimmered, and faded from view, letting the Kamaitachi pass harmlessly though the spot he'd just been standing.

"… I think I'll take this." The voice said from directly behind her as her fan jerked out of her grip. Startled, she spun around, arm drawn back for a right hook. The assailant slid to the left, neatly dodging while still holding the fan. "I'll hold on to this…" he said. Temari was close enough to now see that pure amusement was dancing in his steel colored eyes. The bastard was enjoying this! "Check his body, if you want." He said, gesturing at the corpse of his comrade. With another shimmer, the man vanished.

"Bye-Bye, Sand Princess!" he said from nowhere, his voice echoing around the fog-shrouded path. Then there was silence.

For a moment, Temari stared at the empty air, feeling oddly naked without her precious weapon. Without it, there was no way she would get even a mile. She would be taken by either wild animals or bandits, and she had no way to fight without her fan. The only techniques she knew that didn't require it were the basic Kawarimi and one to summon some water! Turning, she stalked towards the corpse and grasped the still clean blade.

She spun around, already trying to figure out a way to get into Kiri without being discovered. Temari, raised on political machinations, had no need to search the body. She already knew everything she'd find, including the mission request stamped with the official seal of the Kazekage.

Saitou Akira was a respected merchant. While his primary business was in Konoha, he sold things in all major villages and was an honorary member of all trade councils known to man. He was also highly pissed. After all, that annoying brat had cost him thousands of ryou, with his stowing away on the wagon, eating the food that would have fetched a bundle on the starving streets of Kiri, and the hole he had made when he'd been thrown out of the wagon!

Well, at least that brat was gone now, and Saitou Akira would never see him again. And if the brat stayed here, neither would any other people in Konoha. They might just get him a medal! At the very least, they'd pay back the money he'd lost. With that thought cheering him up, the merchant eased his bulk into the comfortable chair in the front of his wagon and signaled the driver to start heading back home.

But the driver wasn't there. As a matter of fact, no one was there! Not his bodyguards, not his driver, not even the pretty girl he'd bought cheap on the black market! Beginning to panic, the merchant glanced around, trying to see if anything else had changed.

Akiria's breath caught, and he began crawling around the floor of the wagon, trying desperately to find his money box. But, sure enough, it was long gone. The only thing left was a small note which he picked up and unfolded with trembling hands.

This is for almost running me over!

Blocks away by this time, Naruto grinned as he heard the outbreak of angry cursing. He wounded what would happen when the man finally noticed he'd replaced his team of horses with two pigs. It would be awesome, but not nearly as good as it would be when the fatso's associates were found in a seeming gay orgy.

As Naruto walked calmly away from the site of his prank, he calmly reached under his tattered coat and pulled out an energy bar that he had purloined from the fat bastard. As he munched, he thought about what had happened over the last week and a half since he'd been tossed onto the streets of Kiri.

First, he had had to find a place to live. Or at least, somewhere to hide when someone began looking for him. Naruto had no idea why, but there seemed to ALWAYS be someone looking for him. There was a small alley between a place that seemed to be a butchers and another that sold ninja weapons that was never used. All that was back there was trash from both stores, and a small nest of hornets. After ridding the alley of the hornets (Naruto wished he could've seen the look on the merchant's face when he found the nest on the cart driver's seat), it was perfectly habitable. Not very secretive, but he'd work on that later.

Then, he'd had to 'convince' the other people living on the street that he should be left alone. As these people were all ordinary civilians, and mostly malnourished civilians at that, he had absolutely no problem with that. All it took was a few ass-kickings here, a Henge and a Kawarimi over there, and the street rats were all thrilled to leave the new resident alone.

Finally, he needed stuff to eat and wear. The clothing could wait, as the stuff he had on was perfectly good. It was insulated, durable, and was an awesome color! The food, however, was a more pressing matter. He could only survive on the rations stolen from the asswipe's wagon for so long. He would need to set up some source of food as soon as possible.

'Well, at least I've got his money!' Naruto thought, hoisting the heavy moneybox he'd 'borrowed' from the merchant. 'That should get me some food for a while, and I could always try to get a job if necessary.' Being a ninja here in Kiri was out of the question after all. Even he knew that. He was a new kid, so the Kiri ninja wouldn't trust him very much. When they would discover his prior training (since they would eventually), they'd immediately think he was a spy and capture him.

As he was walking to the alley he called home for the moment, Naruto saw something he usually didn't see: a girl passed out in his alleyway. But she was too close to the entrance, and she'd be spotted by policemen or shinobi any minute. Naruto's initial instinct was to grab her and pull her away from his alley so he wouldn't be found when she was. But upon closer inspection, he began to reconcider.

The girl seemed to be around his age, and she clearly hadn't been on the street for that long. She had no food on her, her clothing was badly ripped, and she was out cold from exhaustion. As Naruto began searching her, he found a few things of note. One was a gleaming scimitar, which was in immaculate condition. 'Well, that's odd. She sould spend less time cleaning the sword and more time caring for herself,' he thought.

The other was a dull and ravaged plate of metal. "A Suna headband," Naruto murmured out loud. The girl was a shinobi! Though not much of one, or she wouldn't be in this position. Making up his mind, Naruto dragged the girl deep into the alley, right where he made his home.

Temari woke up an hour later to the sound of a crackling fire. She looked around, ready for an attack at any moment. But the only person there was a boy, who seemed to be about her age. All her stuff, which came to the grand total of the scimitar and her head protector, was laid out next to her. Temari groaned groggily, and focused at the boy who was tending the fire.

Without turning around, the boy spoke up. "You were laying in the mouth of the  
alley. If you do that, you'll get caught by someone else." He picked up a stick of something that had been over the fire. "Eat up," he said, and tossed it at her.

"Why?" Temari asked without thinking.

"Because if you don't, you'll die." He said matter-of-factly.

"No, not that. Why are you helping me like this?" she asked, hoping she was imagining the quaver in her voice. "Why do you care?"

The boy was silent for a minute, and Temari almost repeated her question. But right as she opened her mouth, he began to talk. "I like your hair." He said simply. "It has a color that's just like mine. I've only ever seen one other blonde before in my entire life. Her hair was much brighter though, and she was a total bitch. I figure, if I like your hair so much, there's gotta be something else I'll like about you."

Temari sat, digesting that for a minute. Then she got up and crawled over to sit next to him. There, she saw his face for the first time. It was bronzed, speaking of considerable time spent outdoors. His hair, as he had said, was a similar color to her own dirty blonde. But the things that stood out the most on his face were his eyes.

They were dark, dark blue. But the color wasn't the most distinctive thing about them. As they stared at the fire, Temari could see the depths of the emotion in him. He was angry, sad, and most of all, lonely. That's why he wants me here, she thought with dawning comprehension. He needs someone else, even if only to talk to them for a while.

"Sure." She said. "I'll stay here, at least for a little bit." She extended her hand, suddenly mindful of how long it had been since she'd washed it. "Sabaku no Temari."

The boy finally turned and met her gaze. His eyes seemed a bit lighter as he looked at her. "Uzumaki Naruto," he replied as his hand took her own.


	9. What Happens When Things Go Boom

A/N: I've decided to consolidate some of my abandoned stories into my Junk Box. So here it goes!

* * *

Harry Potter stared deeply into the glass pane that was the mirror of the erised. Sure, Dumbledore had told him not to dwell on it too much in the past, but, hey, Dumbledore was dead, so who cared? Harry really had no clue how or why he had somehow found himself here, in the small room which had once held the Sorcerer's Stone, nor did he really care.

Well, that was a bit of a lie. He honestly didn't care at all, but he knew how he'd gotten there. He had been leaving, getting on the Hogwarts Express to go back to the Dursleys, when he was overcome by a sudden epiphany. Not that Ginny was his true love, or that he knew suddenly how to defeat Voldemort like most people somehow assumed he would. His epiphany was quite simple: Why did he care?

Upon asking himself this question, he realized he had no idea what he actually wanted. But there was one thing that could tell him: The Mirror of the Erised. But where to find it? He hadn't even thought of the mysterious mirror since he'd gone after the Sorcerer's Stone in his first year. So he decided that he might as well pick up where he left off, and went to the forbidden section in the third floor. After passing through places where a dead three-headed dog and a dead devils snare lay (It appeared Hagrid and Sprout had forgotten to feed their respective charges), Harry had passed through the still open door, the dismantled chess set, and the swamp like area.

No fire had erupted when he entered Snape's room, and he'd walked through without a fuss. But when he got to the final room, he stared. The Mirror was still there! And he'd sat in front of it, staring at it, trying to see what he wanted most. But the damn mirror wasn't showing anything! And that had led Harry to his current status: staring into the blank pane of glass. What intellectually stimulating and thought provoking solution would he think of next?

"FUCK YOU!" He roared, and picked up a nearby red stone. Not even thinking of what the stone was, he threw it with all his strength into the still blank pane of glass. As the shard of the Sorcerer's Stone (Which had somehow been missed when Dumbledore had come through before) impacted the Mirror of the Erised, Words flashed on the pane.

_You wish to be somewhere where you earn your reputation on your own merits._

Harry only had a brief moment to ponder this before the mystical red rock embedded itself into the equally mystical mirror. As soon as the two items met, more words appeared on the glass. "You have activated the Mirror of the Erised ™ destruction sequence! Side Effects may occur, Results may very. Thank you, and have a nice day!"

As the ensuing mystical explosion consumed the boy-who-lived and his surrounding area, another intellectually powerful statement echoed throughout Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. "Somehow, I'm really not surprised." Harry said as he faded into motes of light/

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Uzumaki Naruto, in a far distant universe, was also having a fairly crappy day. First, it was his birthday. While everyone else got presents for their Twenty-Second Birthday, Naruto got paperwork. Lots, and lots of paperwork. None of his friends were around, and most had seemed to forget his birthday all together. Instead, Naruto, Rokudaime Hokage, got a load of petitions from merchants who wanted the ninja to keep off their rooftops. Again.

"Just Once." Naruto said to himself. "I'd like something different to happen. Something challenging, possibly deadly, and above all different. Why can't anything interesting at all ever happen to me anymore?" Sadly for the Rokudaime, he had forgotten one of the universes most important rules. He had forgotten to be careful what he wished for, for it might come true.

A Chunin guard, who Naruto thought might be Konohamaru's old buddy Udon, rushed in. "Hokage-sama!" he yelled, as if Naruto wasn't only ten feet away. "There's a Demon attacking the village!"

Naruto looked over at the panicking shinobi pityingly. Since he'd gotten the job, this kind of prank seemed to happen at least once a month. "Who told you that, Udon?" He said in what was almost a calming, soothing tone.

Udon looked at him in confusion. "No one told me, you moron! I saw it! It's a giant twelve tailed tiger! And it's storming the fucking village!"

Naruto rocked back in shock. "Hey, fuzzball!" he thought, yelling at his ever present tenant. "I thought you said you were the most powerful of the demons!"

"_**Well, you see… about that… I might have, you know, exaggerated a bit. I mean honestly, how was I supposed to know that he was going to show up here? He usually has much better stuff to do.**_" Kyuubi moaned, somehow sounding like a teenager who got caught stealing his father's car. "_**He's usually busy terrorizing some of the metallic people, or at least bitch-slapping those damn Oompa-loompas or Munchkins.**_**"**

'O-kay….' Naruto thought. 'Kyuubi's a lying bastard. What else is new.' "Udon!" he yelled. "Ready the forces! We have to stop this thing from getting into the village proper!" With a flutter of his white Hokage robe, Naruto dropped back into his comfortable black and orange combat gear. Moments later, the Rokudaime Hokage was at the head of the host of shinobi mustered by Konohagakure. 'Well, I wanted interesting.' He thought wryly.

Twenty minutes later, Naruto was no longer in the mood for being wry, witty, or any variation there of. This demon was… strong. It seemed highly evil, very pissed, and very, very strong. As Naruto attempted to nail it with another Rasengan, he groaned. 'Looks like I'm going to have to do the only sure fire way for stopping a demon.' Jumping back from the fray for a moment, Naruto reached into his wells of power for a certain jutsu.

"_**You can't possibly be serious!**_" His inner demon thought. "_**You have nothing to seal that bastard in! It would take a baby fresh out of the womb, or… you've gotta be fucking kidding me.**_" But Naruto was dead serious, and had just finished the seals for the Shiki Fuujin. "_**Even if you had a baby, don't you know what happens when two demons are in the same body, even temporarily?!**_"

But by that time, Naruto had already activated the jutsu, and plunged his fingers into the leg of the tiger demon. With a giant sucking sound, the glowing green tiger disappeared into a new swirl within Naruto. The sound stopped just in time for Naruto to hear Kyuubi explain, in graphic detail, what happened when one had two highly powerful sources of demonic energy within them. "AW, FUCK!" Naruto yelled. It was the last words the remaining Konoha ninja heard from their Rokudaime.

There was a brief pause, and then a massive explosion rocked the landscape. Everyone had their eyes shielded, so they couldn't see Uzumaki Naruto dissolving into motes of light.

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Kurosaki Ichigo, pureblood shinigami, and one of the most powerful to emerge in the last few centuries, was…. Mildly annoyed. After finally, FINALLY, destroying Aizen in the home of the hollows, he had been 'asked politely' to 'attend the united thirteen captains of the Gotei 13'. As he ran in the portal Urahara had provided for him, he wondered why they weren't calling themselves the 'Gotei Nine' now. 'Well, that would sound less cool, I'll admit' Ichigo thought, a smirk finding its way onto his usually stoic features.

His thoughts turned to more important matters, and he resumed his usual stony countenance. Things had seemingly gone straight to hell when he got back from the Hollow home. First, was the revelation that his father was actually a shinigami, and a damn good one. Rather then fill him with joy, like his father obviously expected him to be, instead, he was consumed with almost blinding rage. He still remembered what he'd yelled out at his father in his anger.

_So you had your power all along?! But you didn't save Mom! She had to have known, and when she was being devoured by Grand Fisher, she was probably wondering why you weren't coming to save her! Hell, you could have stopped all this! You could have stopped that damn thing from coming after Me, Yuzu, Karin, in the first place. But no! You had to get attacked by a fucking D CLASS HOLLOW, and you claim to be captain class! You could have prevented all of this! Rukia getting hurt! Uryu losing his powers! Orihime getting captured and nearly killed! YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED IT!_

Those were the last words he'd spoken to his father before he'd stormed out of the house. He'd spent some time living with Chad before finally moving into Urahara Shoten. At first, they'd called him a freeloader a few hundred times, he finally growled at them to leave him alone. Either he was far more intimidating then he'd thought, or Urahara had finally intervened, because they'd left him alone after that.

Ichigo was jerked out of his introspective by a low, rumbling sound. A familiar giant rock-like thing roared out in seeming anger, and rolled after him. Ichigo ran as fast as he could, praying that the cleaner wouldn't catch up with him. If he touched it at all, he'd get sucked into who-knows-where, and then he wouldn't be able to get even with certain people!

Ichigo spun around, an idea coming to him. If he just blasted the cleaner away, he'd be fine for the rest of the journey! Zangetsu unsheathed itself, and he drew it back. "_**Getsuga Tenshō!**_ (Moon-Fang Piercer of the Heavens)" he roared out, and swung the sword down. A glowing moon-fang of energy roared out, impacting the giant cleaner directly.

Sadly, Ichigo had misjuged two things: one was his own strength, as his blast splattered on the cleaner, letting it roll through with no negative effects. That would be no problem, execept for the second factor he'd miscalculated: the speed of the cleaner. Before he could begin moving again, the cleanter had already hit him.

As the cleaner dissolved him, he looked around at the tunnel. Thinking back to all his battles, he said "Well, that was anticlimactic."

-----------------------------------------------

As Ichigo disolved muttering about stuff being anti-climactic, another being in a far distant world was reaching the climax of his existance on that plane. Giant robots, shaped like men, glared down with their inhuman eyes at one mutants standing in front of them defiantly. The mutant, his long trenchcoat fluttering in the breeze (kicked up by other robots walking), glared back, his red eyes full of outrage and… indignation?

'No, Remy.' Gambit muttered to himself. 'You had to play th' hero. You just had to be th' one that stays behind and draws off dem damn Sentinals.' Sensing incoming danger, Gambit jumped to the left, tucking and rolling enough to dodge all the laser and missile fire. He reached into his pocket where his trusty playing cards lay, and drew out a pair. 'Cool. Th' Ten o' Clubs and Ace o' Spades.'

"BLACKJACK!" He yelled, charging the cards with his own sizzling brand of power. Aiming expertly, Gambit threw the glowing cards perfectly, so they landed right in the crease where a Sentinal's knee was. A muffled explosion sounded, and the Sentinal's leg blew off. Tipping over, the robot nailed another one that had been right next to it. What followed was one of the world's biggest games of dominos.

As Gambit was distracted by his minor victory, another Sentinal activated its contingency plan. A small gun, looking like the laser variety, extended from it's robotic maw. "ENGAGE. MOLECULAR SEPERATOR RAY." It's robotic voice sounded, stating the course of action its hard programming dictated. Gambit spun around, but it was too late.

A blue lance of light shot out of the gun barrel, impacting the X-Men's Favorite Cajun. With a scream of pain, Gambit went down. Sadly, the robot had no idea what it had just done. It had been acting according to programing, and had no clue about any drawbacks that might occur from seperating the molecules of one who's very being was charged to the brim with Kinetic Energy.

Gambit grinned as he began to glow purple. "Dis is th' part I like." He said. "I make dis thing go boom!"

A giant purple explosion encompassed a two square mile radius. The X-Men got away with the mutants they'd saved, but Remy LeBeau was never seen again in that world

-----------------------------------------------.

Groaning, Harry Potter opened his eyes. 'That's the last time I chuck enchanted rocks at magic mirrors.' He thought groggily, his thoughts expressing themselves verballyt as an incoherant groan. "Where am I?" he asked, not really wanting to hear the answer. Unfortunatly, he got it.

"Justice League!" A Loud voice from nowhere sounded. "There is an intrudeder on level seven of the primary Watchtower! Restrain immediately!" Harry looked around, trying to find a sign of where he was. He was surrpounded by cold, hard metal, except for one window, which showed the blankness of space. This sight was enough to blast Harry out of his post-explosion state of mind.

"Whoa!" he yelled. He was in space! 'I wonder what kind of magic was used to send me here?!' he thought. Harry looked around more, seeing movement out of the corner of his mind. 'Apparently, it messed with everyone's clothes as well!' Everyone, as far as he could see, was wearing some kind of spandex outfit. Using his superior almost-seventeen intellect, Harry made a startling conclusion: 'I have no idea where the fuck I am!'.

But Harry thought harder, tuning out the hard stares of the people watching him. He carefully analyzed the statement he had heard over what seemed to be some kind of loudspeaker. These people were probably the Justice League, as they had seemingly responded to the summons. That would mean they were on the watchtower, wherever that was. But there was something else, something about an intruder. 'Shouldn't these guys be off catching the intruder? Wait a sec… I'm no Justice League member, and I'm probably not supposed to be here…. Crap. I'm the intuder.' That realization came just in time, as he dodged to the left, avoiding an arrow.

Seeing the guy, oddly dressed up like Robin Hood, nocking his bow with another arrow, Harry reached into his pocket and drew his wand. Just before the arrow was fired, Harry aimed and yelled "_Stupefy!_" he yelled, sending a jet of red light out of the wand tip. His aim was on, and the spell connected with the odd green archer.

'That might have been a mistake.' He thought as the loudspeaker stated "Intruder is definitly hostile! Use extreme force if nessessary!" That announcement was met with a charge from a few other others. A man decked ojut in gold, with what seemed to be a robot, opened fire. A stunning spell took the man out, and an overcharged yell of "_Wingardium Leviosa!_" knocked the robot into the roof, taking it out.

A man decked in midevil chainmail was the next to attack, swinging his sword with obvious skill. Harry's stunning spell glanced right off of the armor, and the second was deflected by the sword. When the knight neared him, he stopped suddenly. That might have something to do with the fact that Harry had his wand pointed at him point-blank. "_Expelliarmus_" Harry muttered, sending the knight sprawling backwards, his sword flying from his hands.

There was a clanking from off to the side, and Harry rolled out of the way. None too soon, as a robot (or a man in highly-technical armor) with an odd 'S' on it's chest barrelled through his last spot. Knowing his usual spells wouldn't pass through, Harry slashed his wand savagely at the thing's legs. "_Sectumsempra!_" he yelled, and sure enough, the legs were disconnected at the knee joints.

Spinning around, Harry jerked his wand up. '_Levicorpus!_' he thought, and a man in a purple trenchcoat (without a face!) jerked up into the air. But the distraction cost Harry, as a small ball exploded at his feet. Clouds of purple gas billowed out, into Harry's lungs. Moments later, the Boy-Who-Lived was unconcious.

From off to the side, a dark figure emerged, looming menacingly as always. "Lock him up and bring him to the central chamber." Batman said, his commands immediately being carried out. "J'onn will have to look over him personally."

Twenty minutes later, the 'Inner Circle', the seven founding members of the Justice League, met at their table in the center of the watchtower. "So, J'onn," John Stewart, the Green Lantern, started. "What's the story with mystery kid over there?" he jerked his thumb towards Harry, who was being contained in a very nice cage which was made to restrain the most powerful foes. "How'd he get in? What's did he hope to do by infiltrating the league?"

J'onn J'onzz, the Martian Manhunter, shook his green head in mild shock. "First, I pierced his mental defenses. They are pathetic for one who comes into regular contact with psychics, but could keep the worst ones out. As soon as I got into his memories, I drew one conclusion. This entire incident has been nothing more then a large misunderstanding."

Batman narrowed his eyes behind his trademark mask. "There has to be _something _more you can tell us. A teenager with strong mystic powers does not appear on the watchtower for no reason." Though the speech was delivered in his standard cold monotone, there was a sense of anger behind the words, as if Batman thought that sneaking into the Watchtower was a personal insult.

"That's just it." J'onn said. "I thoroughly scanned his mind, and he seems to be from another universe all together. An alternate dimension, so to speak, which was breached by the physical destruction of an extremely powerful artifact. Apparently, young Mr. Potter here is a hero in his home realm, due to events stemming from his infant days. As to powers, Bruce, he seems to be only mildly powered in comparison to others from his own realm. If he could study more, so to speak, his powers would increase by five, if not tenfold."

The other members of the inner council gaped in shock. This boy, who according to J'onn was almost seventeen, had taken out the Green Arrow, Booster Gold, Shining Knight, Steel, and the Question in the span of twenty seconds. Green Arrow had only just regained consciousness, and the Question was still hanging upside down until another mystic could free him.

Superman spoke up first. "Are there any objections to inviting… Mr. Potter was it?" he asked J'onn, who nodded. "Mr. Potter into the league on a trial basis? With the government cracking down on us, and throwing funding behind project Cadmus, we could use all of the help we could get. Dr. Fate could help him develop his powers until he becomes far more formidable."

Looking around the table, Superman saw no objections on the faces of his comrades. The Flash, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter, even the recently returning Hawkgirl, were nodding in agreement. Only Batman looked hesitant, and that was in his nature. Around that time, there was a groaning from the high-powered cage in the corner as Batman's sleeping gas ran its course. All of them turned as one to see the young man stagger to his feet.

"Mr. Potter, you may call me Superman." Superman began. "And we are the Justice League. We have some very interesting things to tell you…"

After a lengthy explanation, Harry sat there, still in his high-tech cage. "So, let me get this straight. I'm in an alternate universe, where superheroes in spandex run around fighting evil people in spandex. You've banded together in a giant space station, and want me to join you in fending off creeps in spandex, alien invaders, and the occasional pissed off god. That about sum it up?"

All the leaguers nodded. "A fairly apt summation." Batman said, an odd note of approval in his voice. "Are you in?"

Harry nodded. "Well, at least I won't be bored."

"Good." Superman said. "Then it's settled. Harry Potter, also known as… get yourself a codename, kid. You'll need one to protect your secret identity, as well as your friends and family." Harry shot him a look that clearly expressed that he was doubting the Man of Steel's intelligence. "Oh, yeah. Alternate dimensions. I forgot. Still get one, just in case you decide you want to set up a life under your real name here." Harry nodded. "Then you'll be partnered up with Dr. Fate, on of our top mystics here. This only temporary, and Dr. Fate will be best suited to helping you bring out your abilities."

"Alright. Where do I meet him?"

Flash jumped in. "Why don't you go over to our practice room. That's two doors down the closest hallway. We'll send Dr. Fate there for you, junior."

Harry nodded. "Okay, but I want to say two things. First, stop calling me kid, or junior, or anything like that. It's getting annoying. And second, will one of you open this damn cage?!"

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Dr. Fate, garbed in his typical blue and gold attire, walked slowly down the hallway of the watchtower. Under his magical golden helmet, he was… slightly angered. After all, he'd been roused from his comfortable tower in response to the general distress signal meaning that there was a hostile target on the watchtower. Upon finding it was false alarm, he had gone back and spent time studying his mystic tomes. Now he was being called again, and being told that he was the new mentor for the source of the false alarm! It was annoying to be Dr. Fate sometimes.

'They told me he'd be in the training room. I wonder if he-' An explosion coming from the training room let him know that, yes, his new 'pupil' was within, and seemed to be doing some heavy practicing. The slid the door open. Dr. Fate felt any and all irritation he had melt away as he watched Harry Potter fight.

The wiry boy dodged to the left, allowing the robot who had been trying to tackle him careen past. Harry spun, and pointed his wand at the target on the robot's back. "_Reducto!_" he yelled, and a ball of light exploded from the tip. It hit the bot hard, and a computerized voice said "Target number Forty-Seven neutralized."

Harry stopped, looked, and saw two more robots coming in the typical pincer assault. He had two choices: jump and do something incredibly cool in midair, or roll forward, making them run after him from only one side. After a moment's deliberation, Harry decided that his legs weren't strong enough for the jump, and rolled over to the side, leveling his wand against the two robots, who were quite nicely standing side-by-side.

"_Stupefy! Avis!_" he yelled. A jet of red light followed the first word, and it shot directly into the bulls eye on the first robot. The second was greeted by a swarm of birds, who hovered around the second, interfering with it's vision. While the robot was futilely attempting to bat them away, Harry finished it with a well placed Reducto.

"Good job." Dr. Fate said, honestly approving of Harry's exhibition. "So, do you always cast your spells in Latin, or was it just the few I witnessed?"

Harry looked at him, mildly confused. "I'm not sure." He said. "I just know what I've been taught, and never actually took any language courses." At Dr. Fate's prompting, Harry began casting every spell he knew at a stationary target. And that meant all of them, including the harmless (Like _Anapneo_, the magical Heimlich maneuver) to the deadly (Like the every dangerous _Sectumsempra_). After he was done, panting for breath, he turned to the man he could only guess was Dr. Fate.

"Primarily Latin, but some Portuguese, French, and Greek." Dr. Fate mused. "Interesting, Interesting."

Harry looked at him, nonplussed. "Excuse me for asking, but what exactly is so interesting?"

"It appears that all your spells are merely focusing points for your innate magic to hone in on. Every spell you've cast has been from a foreign language, though some spells are words from two different languages spliced together. If we operate under that theory, we only need to find the proper language and word for each focusing point. Then, there is no limit to what your magic might produce." All throughout the explanation, Harry's eyes got wider and wider.

"But, that is for another day." Dr. Fate concluded. "I had initially planned on having a sparring contest, as that would be the best way to gauge your abilities. But that is not necessary now. I will guide you to your quarters. Then, you will rest. When you wake, you shall peruse the dictionaries I will have sent to you, trying any word you feel is promising, possibly putting a few together. But first, sleep. That much magic took much out of you."

The next morning found Harry sitting in the Justice League Cafeteria, munching on something called a 'pop-tart' while perusing a Japanese dictionary. 'Hm… _raikou_, the Japanese word for lightning seems promising. But for all I know, that could just summon lightning to hit me. I need to combine it with a word that means throw… nah, using the Spanish word would take too long. I need something quick, snappy, four syllables or less so I can get it off quickly.' Closing the Japanese dictionary, he reached over to snag a Finnish one from the giant stack.

His rumination was ruined when he heard the footsteps of someone walking up to him. Glancing up, and confirming that it was his blue clothed mentor, he looked back down. "Damn." He said out loud. "Finnish won't work either."

"Take a few of those, and walk with me." Dr. Fate said, and Harry obediently shrunk his tower of language and placed it in his pocket. As they walked, Dr. Fate glanced sideways, eying Harry's attire. "Surely you aren't planning to do your first day on the job in that."

Harry looked down at his own gear, eyeing the torn and tattered black school robe. "It's all I have." He said, feeling somewhat embarrassed. "I don't suppose you know of a place where I can get something more suitable?" Dr. Fate shrugged.

"Why bother?" he said. Gesturing slightly with his left hand, Harry's robes shimmered and transformed. Now, he was attired much more appropriately: black jeans, a tight black shirt, and a black leather trench coat. At Harry's raised eyebrow, Dr. Fate answered what he knew his new apprentice was thinking. "Changing the color takes much more effort. I could do it, but we'd be late."

Accepting the truth of that answer, Harry patted himself down. Everything important was still there. His wand, his dictionaries, some galleons he had forgotten to take out. As he patted his chest, he finally noticed how skin tight it was and how it showed off his figure. Groaning, he thought 'I wonder if there's a gym on here somewhere. Probably.'

There was a beep, and Dr. Fate poked the communicator in his ear. "Fate here." He said, and listened to the voice of the Martian Manhunter for a few moments. "We're on it." He poked his ear again, and continued walking, with Harry breaking out into a run to catch up with his determined stride. "We have been given our first mission." Dr. Fate said. "It's just some bank robbers, but it's a good way to break you in. Normally, I'd just teleport myself there, but it is best for you to become familiar with our teleport pads."

They reached those pads after a minute. Harry's mind was immediately put in two modes. The first was his highly scientific mind, which immediately began wondering how everything worked and if a tech could show him later. The second, much more active, part immediately began going 'OOOHHH…. SHINEY!' Dr. Fate snapped his fingers in front of Harry, snapping him out of his trance, and directed him to stand on a pad. After giving the technician the coordinates, he joined him.

Moments later, the two were outside of a bank, which had the stereotypical alarm bell blaring. The two had just gotten their footing when the doors slammed open, and a trio of robbers ran out, carrying bags and briefcases filled with stolen money. "This is the first lesson." Dr. Fate explained in a low tone. "The authoritative command. Sometimes, it prevents all violence from taking place. Observe." He turned, facing the robbers (who had just reached the base of the steps), and yelled "HALT!" Sure enough, the three skidded to a complete stop, gaping at the spandex-clad magician.

"Sometimes, though, the perpetrator wishes to fight." Dr. Fate muttered to Harry, who was beginning to wonder if he should be taking notes. As if on cue, one robber dropped his loot and pulled out a gun. "Now, we stop them. Feel free to do so." He said. Shrugging, Harry pointed his wand at the hand that held the offending weapon and uttered an incantation. A high-powered stream of sparks connected, and the robber dropped the gun howling in pain. "Good." Dr. Fate said, nodding approvingly. "Please subdue them all." A trio of stunners later, and all three were out cold.

"Good." Dr. Fate said again. "Now, we wait until the prop-" Fate froze in mid-sentence, feeling a warping and changing in the fabric of the universe behind them. 'A Dimensional Warp?!' He thought. 'Potter isn't ready for any of the villains that might use those yet!' Dr. Fate spun around, ready to face the new threat that emerged. But behind his helmet, his mouth dropped open in shock.

The new villain was no one he'd ever seen before. It was a human male, taller then Fate was himself. He wore a black and orange jumpsuit, and oddly enough, had a headband with a metal plate with an odd design tied around his forehead. All of that was topped off by jagged-seeming blonde hair, a set of eyes that seemed to fluctuate between three colors, and odd whisker-like marks on the cheeks.

At first, this new villain did nothing but stand there for a moment. But then he roared, and a feeling of malice dropped over the area. An aura of red energy began radiating from the new arrival, which was overtaken by an aura of green, but still malevolent, energy. The roar seemingly split in three, two in pain, one in triumph, and the one in triumph was definitely not human.

Uzumaki Naruto, though currently overshadowed by a twelve-tailed tiger, cracked his knuckles, and let out an inhuman laugh.

Dr. Fate slowly tapped his communicator. "J'onn? We're going to need some backup."

Naruto charged, roaring in a voice that wasn't human. The two mages dodged, one on either side. Harry leveled his wand, and shot two stunners and a reducto at the demon-possessed shinobi, who snarled at the unwelcome assault. He took a moment to yell something that neither mage understood, before turning to go after Harry. Dr. Fate took advantage of the distraction to fire a blast of pure energy at this demon's back. But he shrugged it off as if he hadn't felt a thing.

As Harry dodged the feral strikes (barely), something was nagging his subconscious. 'What was that he just yelled? I recognized a word… wait! That was that Japanese! One of those words was in my dictionaries!' As the next swipe came a bit too close, Harry realized that thinking about trivia with an otherworldly foe attacking him was probably not the smartest thing he could have done.

His next hurried leap brought him next to Dr. Fate, who was blasting the enemy with shot after shot of power. "That monster's foreign!" Harry yelled, then explained. Dr. Fate looked surprised for a moment. But just one.

"If he speaks a human language, and has such a human like physiology, he must be close enough to a human for my mind magic to affect him. Remember when you were telling me about the forbidden spells? Use the first one, and I'll follow it up!" Dr. Fate said, concocting a plan on the run. Harry nodded, and aimed his wand carefully.

"_Imperio!_" he yelled, and fired the mind-control curse at the opposition. A split second later, Dr. Fate fired tendrils of purple energy at the foe's head, each meaning to shut down its mind. Harry gasped as his imperious curse was snapped, and Dr. Fate recoiled in alarm.

"This creature! It has more then one mind, or even two!" He gasped. "I got a foothold on his mind, and was able to tweak something, but I'm not sure what. Then I was ejected by another, more powerful presence." Harry looked up at him in shock, wondering how powerful this new enemy was. But his attention snapped back to the monster at hand as it raised it's head and began to cackle maniacally.

"_**Ah, mortals.**_" The seeming-human said in an otherworldly voice. "_**You amuse me. The meatbag is trying to stop us from killing you, but honestly, he's just the legs in this equation. But thank you for that little tap. I was focusing on the wrong person. Golden One, you have just requested to be moved up in line.**_" It snarled, and began to advance on Dr. Fate.

Harry looked over to his mentor again. "YOU TAUGHT THE MONSTER HOW TO SPEAK FUCKING ENGLISH?!"

"Say what?" a new, definitely feminine, voice chimed in. "You two seem to have your hands full at the moment. I didn't think you'd be taking on the job of English teacher, Fate!" Three sets of eyes shot over to the side, where a shimmer of light had just dissipated, leaving a new set of people.

The only female there was definitely the one that had spoken. She was wearing a tight white shirt emblazoned with the logo that meant incoming pain to any and all villains. Supergirl nodded at them all. "You call for backup? We've brought some." She jerked her head back, nodding to the Green Lantern and a non-descript man.

Dr. Fate pointed over to the snarling demon-man, who was still trying to make sense of the new arrivals. "He's over there." He said needlessly. With a roar, Supergirl charged, fist drawn back for a punch that could shatter steel. Naruto took it directly to the chest, and was knocked flying. But surprisingly, he twisted in midair, landing feet first against the wall. He pushed off, with a cocked fist of his own.

Green Lantern summoned up the power concealed deep in his ring, letting it envelop him. Taking off, he began firing beams of painful light straight at the opponent. Dr. Fate raised his hands, and began bombarding the monster, for there was no other word of it, with energy blasts again. Harry raised his wand and shot Reducto and Sectumsempra as fast as he could. As he shot, he chanced a glance over at the last person who'd just arrived, and still wasn't doing anything. "Aren't you going to do anything?!"

The man chuckled a bit. "Yes, I suppose this isn't exactly the time for me to be playing around, is it." He backed up, and stretched, looking up as he screamed to the heavens. "Gone! Gone! The Form of Man! Rise, the Demon- Etrigan!" And the man… changed.

He grew shorter, more muscular, and his skin turned darker. He eyes closed, and when they opened again, they were nothing more then panes of red. Small horns sprouted from his suddenly hairless head, which had gone smaller and rounder. His outfit warped, and changed, becoming a red jumpsuit with a blue cape. His mouth opened, revealing it to be full of fangs. The man-turned-demon smirked. "I'm done fooling!" he yelled, and inhaled deeply.

Harry, feeling his self-preservation sense tingle, dodged to the side. Etrigan exhaled, his breath turning into gouts of hellfire. Supergirl, Green Lantern, and Dr. Fate dodged just in time, allowing the man-demon to become enshrouded by the deadly flames. With a roar to rival Etrigans, the fire dissipated, and the monster began to chuckle again. "_**So you fancy yourself a master of fire, do you?**_" His hands began to move in odd positions, and he took in a deep breath of his own.

"MOVE!" Green Lantern yelled, pushing Harry down. Supergirl and Dr. Fate dodged on their own, as Etrigan took in another deep breath. The gouts of hellfire emerged at the same time the other yelled "**Katon: Goukakyu no Jutsu!** (Fire Style: Powerful Flame Technique)" The two fires met, one deep red with flashes of white, the other red with tinges of blue. Slowly, Etrigan's fire began to be pushed backwards. Harry felt his mouth drop open. This thing was more powerful then their resident demon prince.

'I've got to gamble!' he thought, racking his brains for words from his dictionary. He'd been meaning to test them out before he actually used them in a pressure situation, but that was a luxury he just didn't have at this point in time. After Etrigan was defeated, the monster would turn it's attention back to the rest of them. The Green Lantern and Dr. Fate wouldn't last long, and Supergirl would go next. Harry leveled his wand at the distracted foe. "_Raikoukast!_" he screamed, as if his life depended on it. Because actually, it did.

There was a moment of pause, where Harry began to wonder what had happened. Had it gone wrong? Had Doctor Fate's Theory been wrong? But he felt a sense of power suddenly run through is body, and his wand buckled as the spell went through it. A great bolt of lightning pulsed out, connecting squarely with the Demon's Forehead. With a cry, the fires went out, and the demon keeled over.

Green Lantern was the first to recover his wits, and went over to check. "He's just… unconscious!" he said, his shock evident. If almost anyone else had taken a bolt of lightning to their head, they'd be dead! Three sets of human eyes (and one of demon that was reverting back to human) turned to Harry.

One of the bystanders, who was foolhardy enough to watch the entire fight from behind a nearby car, was mumbling. "Just like Zeus. They've got someone who throws lightning now, just like the old Greek gods! Zeus, I tell ya!" Harry smirked as he blew imaginary smoke away from his wand tip.

'Zeus, huh? I like it!'

-----------------------------------------------

The watchtower had many facilities onboard. There was the cafeteria, which provided food to all superheroes at all hours of the day. There was the communications room, where heroes from all over the world could call in and receive anything from backup on a mission to the latest sports scores. Then there was the jail. It was state of the art, crafted by Batman and Zatanna, using the finest scientific and magical knowledge available. It was a walking deathtrap to anyone not authorized. It took seven forms of identification, including DNA and magical aura, before one could get past the door.

That was where the original seven were, looking at the captive that had taken an extremely lucky gamble to bring in. He had appeared out of nowhere, summarily destroyed four highly powerful leaguers in combat until being hit by their own rookie. The captive was chained to the wall with golden chains, for gold couldn't conduct magic. He was surrounded by sealing glyphs drawn by Dr. Fate and Etrigan together. And he was sleeping like a baby.

"You'd never guess that he just took a blast of lightning to the head, would ya?" The Flash said, feeling the need to break some tension in the room.

Suddenly, the man looked up, his pure blue eyes piercing the room. In that instant, he had assessed the occupants, discovered his situation, and had decided that it would be best if he'd didn't do much that was hostile at the moment. Batman snorted. He approved heartily of anyone who had decent survival instincts. "Good to see that you're awake, Mr…" Superman began, acting as the de facto spokesperson.

The man snorted. "Uzumaki. Uzumaki Naruto. If you don't know that name, then I have no fucking clue where I am." The answer took almost everyone by surprise. His name was presented eastern style, though they'd expected that. But he was apparently well known where he was from, and they had no clue who he was. Thus, he wasn't from around here, and it wouldn't take that big a leap to guess he was from another alternate dimension.

"So, Mr. Uzumaki," Superman said, letting that foreign name flow off his tongue. "Is there any special reason you decided to attack five members of my team with no provocation?"

Naruto shrugged the best he could with his arms chained. "Now, I could give you this entire list of excuses, including not being in control of my body and having twenty one tails of demon inside of me, but I'd really rather not. So, no, not really."

Wonder Woman, as the closest thing present to a mythological expert, piped up. "So you are from the east. There, they talk about Demons that used to run rampant and were sealed in people for the protection of others. But I thought there were only nine demons that were classified as tailed, and they only had one through nine tails."

The blonde shinobi snorted. "Yeah, that's what I thought. But it turns out that's a rumor planted by the ninth one to make it seem stronger. I found out the hard way in the course of duty."

Superman perked up again. Duty? "So, Mr. Uzumaki, what is it that you do?"

"Murder. Steal. Destroy. The usual. But that's only for fun. When I'm on the clock, I get people to do that for me."

Almost everyone's eyes widened at that, and a few of them contemplated stepping back for a moment. Only Green Lantern and Hawkgirl seemed unaffected by that. "So, you run a mercenary company?" Hawkgirl said. Things like that were common place on other planets that she'd seen.

"You could say that. Sadly, my range of operations extends from high class assassinations to sending twelve year olds to do lawn work." At _this_, Hawkgirl and Green Lantern joined everyone else in the 'widened eyes club'. "What?" Naruto asked incredulously. "You never heard of shinobi villages?" Mutely, everyone shook their heads. Naruto's mouth dropped open. "You haven't? Ok, I'm definitely not anywhere near Konoha now."

The Flash regained some of his humorous banter at that. "You mean our outfits didn't clue you in on that little tidbit?" This was met by a pitying stare from Naruto.

"My teachers are both perverts, one reads it, one writes it. I know another guy who's hair looked like he put a bowl over it and cut what stuck out. That's the most normal thing about him. Another one was a chain smoker who liked to play chess for no reason. The former leader of my village was a gambling rage-a-holic, who was the subject for lots of porn fantasies. Your outfits are among the least weird things I've witnessed."

Hawkgirl tried to seize on the opening he'd just given them. "Why don't you tell us more about your village?"

"Why should I?"

Seeing they weren't getting any more out of their captive at the moment, the leaguers left the jail, leaving Naruto whistle something that sounded to some like 'Little Bunny Foo-Foo'.

"We should find out how to ship him back to wherever he came from." Superman said immediately.

"We should strip him of his powers, and put him in jail for the rest of his life." Batman threw in.

"We should offer him a place here." Hawkgirl said.

There was a pause, followed by either "WHAT?!" or "Good thinking!"

Before the argument could happen, someone cleared their throat from off to the side. "Excuse me." Jason Blood said. "Is the prisoner aloud visitors?" Seeing that everyone else was itching to start their fight, Flash nodded, and jerked his thumb to the door they'd just exited. The man with the demon inside of him nodded thankfully, and walked through. Flash made an 'after you' gesture to his friends and comrade, and a silent agreement was made to have this little conversation once they got to the central room.

Inside the jail, Naruto stood there, whistling. The door opened, and Jason Blood walked in calmly. He looked up and down, eying Naruto's arms, the chains, and his calm demeanor. "So, how long before you take those off?" Blood asked conversationally.

Naruto thought for a second. "Do you mind?" he asked. Jason shook his head, and Naruto channeled a minute amount of chakra to his arms, allowing him to break the chains. "Ah, much better." He said. "So, how're you doing?"

"My lungs hurt a bit." Jason said honestly.

Naruto broke out into near-hysterical laughter for a moment, before he recovered. "Sorry. Seriously, sorry about that." He calmed himself down, and took a seat on the floor. "You know, I don't remember much of the fight. Being under either of their influence for too long knocks out my brain until they retreat. But I do remember you. How bad's your demon?"

"He's very strong, but doesn't really try to escape. We've been together for so long that we've become almost symbiotic. If I'm in trouble, he knows he'd fade from existence altogether. Yours?"

"Well, Kyuubi and I have been together since the day I was born. Sometimes, I'd really like to get rid of him, and at others, I couldn't imagine life without him. But as for the Juunibi, I haven't had him for that long. Actually, getting him was the last thing I did before I found myself attacking weirdo's in spandex."

The two waxed eloquent on the subject of demons and their own mortality for a while before Jason Blood finally had to get up and go on a mission. He gave a very cordial goodbye, and was soon replaced by another visitor who was far more hostile. Supergirl, Kara to her friends, sat down in the visitors chair five minutes after Etrigan left. Her first question was "Weren't you chained up?" she asked. In answer, Naruto raised one hand, the golden chain (and a chunk of titanium) still dangling from it. Kara nodded. "Ah. I see."

Naruto grinned, his most impudent look on his face. "So, what brings you here? I doubt it's just to improve the scenery around here, but you certainly do that anyway." Naruto bit back a laugh as he saw the beginnings of a blush climb up Kara's face.

Kara shook her head. She had come to ask important questions of a potentially vicious and violent captive, and he was flirting with her! "Sorry, but I have better things to do then make your life better at the moment. Now, tell me, why did you attack me and my team? And what were all those colors from? I mean, you're not shining red and green now!"

The Rokudaime shook his head. "Don't you people ever talk? I mean, honestly, I've already told this story to that first bunch of nutjobs, and then again to the guy who just left here! Ordinarily, I'd refuse to talk about any subject for the third time, but for you… yeah, I'll make an exception."

Kara was unable to fight back the blush that time, and sat there, redder then the Flash's outfit, for a moment. When Naruto saw she was done, he launched back into his tale about demons, souls, and cross-dimensions. When he was done, Kara breathed a sigh of relief. "So without those demons, you're pretty useless, right?"

Naruto snorted. "Useless?! I've been called many things, but I don't think that was one of them. The only reason I haven't tried to get out of here yet, and succeeded, was because I had no clue where I was! See?!" Naruto made a few seals, visible only because he was weighed down by the chains. In a puff of smoke, he appeared on the other side of the cage. While Kara sat there, shocked, Naruto returned to his cell. "Satisfied?" She nodded mutely, and got up to leave.

"Aw… leaving so soon?" he said. "Well, hurry back!" he called after her. As she walked away, he looked after her. Any cheeky comments he had faded away. "Damn…" he muttered under his breath.

Kara looked over her shoulder, and saw where he was staring. A glint of mischief appeared in her eye, and she began to sway her hips and walk in a more feminine manner then she usually did. 'I think I could get to like this!' she thought.

-----------------------------------------------

In the central room, the seven founding members had finally broken their temporary truce, and were trading heated words over the table. "He tried to kill John, Kara, Jason, Fate, and the rookie! Why should we let him into the league?!" Batman growled.

Hawkgirl breathed deeply, trying to calm down so she could express her reasons coolly and logically. "He's of particular skill, as you should have noticed. He's a mercenary, by his own admission." Batman jumped on this quickly.

"See! He's a mercenary. Who's to say he won't sell us out to anyone with a bank account and a grudge?"

"As I was saying, before I was interrupted, he's a mercenary. And the basis for any successful mercenary is his reputation. If he betrays any of his employers, no one would hire him. It would be career suicide to do anything stupid."

Superman spoke up. "By his own admission, he is a murderer and a vigilante. We have no place for those who kill and act outside the law."

The Green Lantern snorted from his spot at the table. "I was a marine before I became a Lantern. I killed more men then I could count in defense of what I believed in. From what I heard, he killed in defense of himself and his homeland. How is that any different then me?"

Hawkgirl took up the metaphorical baton after that, and added "A Vigilante? Aren't we all, in our own way, vigilantes? We operate outside most of the laws, and it's mainly because we get good results that we haven't all been thrown in jail already. Well, that, and because they can't find a jail that would hold us."

Batman groaned. "The man has two demons in him, both very powerful! Can't you see what a security risk that is?!"

"You don't trust him because he has a demon or two in him?" Hawkgirl said incredulously. "This from Etrigan's best friend?' That brought silence to the room for a moment, as Batman struggled to find a retort for that. When it became clear that there wouldn't be anything coming out of the Dark Night, Superman sighed.

"I think we should call a vote." He said. "Any objections?" The other assembled heroes shook their heads. "Alright. Wally, you start us off."

The Flash groaned. "Why do I always have to vote first?" He shook his head with speeds only he could produce. "Anyway, I think that GL and Wings over there both have really good points. If we don't at least offer him the position, we sound like hypocrites of the worst sort. I'm for it."

Batman spoke up next. "He's still a danger and a security risk. I'm against."

From the seat next to Batman, Wonder Woman spoke. "I think it depends on his will power. Those are two demons of exceptional strength within him, and I don't know how long he'll be able to hold it. Without evidence that he can contain them appropriately, I'm voting no."

Hawkgirl nodded. "No less then I expected. But I think my opinions have been made more then evident. My vote's for yes."

"I agree mostly with Wally in this." The Lantern said. "We'd be beyond hypocrites if we didn't at least offer him this chance. I'll say yes."

J'onn J'onzz, the Martian Manhunter, was the next to speak. "I sense… a troubled soul and raging psyches within him. I have to vote no for the same reasons as Diana." All eyes turned to Superman, who would end up casting the deciding vote.

The Man of Steel sighed, and debated all the opinions brought up and mentioned in their heated discussion. Both sides made valid points, and he could see both sides of this debate. He sighed. "So, who wants to go tell our new friend that he's been offered a spot in the Justice League?"

Eventually, it was decided that Superman (the de facto leader), Batman (the strongest opposition), and Hawkgirl (the strongest supporter), would all go and tell the new candidate the good news. But when they got to the jail, they were treated to the odd sight of their new guest doing jumping jacks while standing upside down on the ceiling. When he saw them walk in, he began asking a question while still counting. "So, Fifty-Nine, what does it take, Sixty, to get some, Sixty-One, food around here?"

The three watched him exercise with open mouths. When they regained their senses, the first thing Batman asked was "How did you get free of the chains?" The one word answer, without a pause in exercise, took them all aback.

"Easily."

Superman shook his head, wondering if this was going to be a regular occurrence with this Naruto around here. "Mr. Uzumaki, we have two pieces of news. The first is that you'll be freed of that cell as soon as we have finished this conversation. Can you stop that?" Shrugging, Naruto cut the flow of chakra to the soles of his feet, and spun in midair, landing crouched on his feet. "Thank you. We've also taken a vote, and would like to offer you a place in the Justice League."

Acting like the news didn't surprise him at all, the shinobi shrugged. "So, as no one has seen fit to tell me this yet, what exactly do you guys do?" Superman launched into a long winded explanation, but Naruto cut him off midway through. "So, you basically save the world, protect the downtrodden, and all that good stuff? I approve, and applaud your goals and all that, but what's in it for me?"

Superman was definitely taken aback by this, though he was clearly the only one in the room who was. Hawkgirl appeared to have expected no less, and Batman was shooting him an 'I-Told-You-So' look. "Well, you would help out, and we'd put our best scientists on finding a way to send you back home."

Naruto shook his head. "Not interested. My home wasn't all that you seem to think it's cracked up to be." At the puzzled stares he was receiving, Naruto elaborated. "My best friends have both been killed or become the thing I most despise. Out of my close circle of twelve, two, not counting myself, are still alive. One has gone evil, and has developed a snake fetish. He's been my mortal enemy for years now. The other barely talks to me, and has quit being a ninja and retired to watch her flower shop. Everyone else slavishly worships me, treats me with a minimum of respect to my face and badmouths me behind my back, or doesn't even bother with the respect. Sitting in this cell staring at the wall is an improvement."

By his expression, the Man of Steel was trying to think fast and failing miserably. He simply wasn't used to negotiating with people like this. Luckily, Hawkgirl had some rather decent experience with this sort of dealing. "You would get the right of refusal on any non-crucial missions, complete and total freedom when not working with us, quarters on the Watchtower, and, if the possibility arises of you leading your own team, you'd get to choose the members."

The Rokudaime eyed her for a moment. "You know, I like you." He said. "We're going to get along famously, I can tell. I accept your terms."

Hawkgirl spun around, and nodded smugly at her male colleges. Superman cleared his throat, and went back into familiar routine. "Alright. As it's customary for every member to be assigned a mentor for the first month on the league, you'll be paired up with Etrigan. The best place to room you would be with the new rookie, the one who…" he thought for a second. "Well, the one who nailed you with lightning. Would that be a problem?"

Naruto snorted. "The kid bested me on the battlefield. If he's old enough, I'll take him out for a round on me for that."

Superman gave a sigh of relief. "Good. Finally, everyone is assigned or chooses a codename, so their real identity isn't given out to the public. This is just in case you want to start a life on earth, and you gain any enemies who would come after you personally. Any ideas?"

Naruto thought for a moment, and one name sprang to mind.

_"Curse you, Demon Maelstrom!" The Iwa ninja with his dying breath before spitting in his general direction._

_"It's the Demon Maelstrom!" A high-ranking Kumo official gasped out. "We have to get away before- URK!" was all he got out before Naruto's kunai took him in the stomach._

"Call me Maelstrom." He said with a smirk.

No sooner had the name been spoken, then a voice came through Superman's Communicator. "Clark," The familiar monotone of the Martian Manhunter said. "We've got Cheetah and Copperhead attempting a break-in in downtown Gotham. As that's Bruce's territory, he has command on that. He doesn't care who is sent down to take care of it. Any preferences?"

Superman thought for a moment. "Green Arrow and Captain Atom have been complaining about not having much to do. Send them down to take care of it."

-----------------------------------------------

Down on the surface of earth, in the bank district of Gotham City, the villain known as Copperhead turned to his feline partner in crime. "Are we done yet?" he asked impatiently. "The League will have sent someone down soon, and we should be away by then."

Cheetah, in all her feline glory, banged two more guard's heads together. "Just unload that vault, and we'll be on our way."

Despite the absurdity of a snake and a cat robbing a bank, there was a more absurd sight (to some Gotham citizens anyway) going on. There was a boy, no older then sixteen, standing outside the bank, looking in. He wasn't attempting to go in, and he wasn't running away. He was just standing there, watching.

The orange haired boy reached down to his belt, where an odd talisman hung. It had what some would refer to as a 'death mask' emblazoned on it. He gripped it tightly, and the air around him shimmered. His normal clothes, suitable for anyone who had just finished school, warped. A dark black robe emerged, cloaking him completely. But more importantly, a giant wrapped bundle appeared on his back. The boy grabbed it, and flicked his wrist. The wrappings on it spiraled outwards, revealing the sharp blade on the sword within.

The boy looked down at his own clothes, as if surprised they were there. In a way, he was. His body had never actually transitioned from Mortal to Shinigami before. It usually just went to sleep when he became a shinigami, allowing his soul free reign outside. He shrugged it off as a side effect of his transport, and then dismissed it as unimportant.

After all, Kurosaki Ichigo had been having a very, very bad day. And if these two jokers were doing something obviously wrong, then he had just found the perfect outlet for his rage.

Thirty seconds later, Green Arrow and Captain Atom emerged from the glow of the transport field. "Freeze!" Green Arrow yelled, an arrow already drawn and pointing at the destroyed bank entrance. But instead of running in terror, fighting, or doing nothing, the villains did something completely unexpected. Wait a second, Scratch that. They were running in terror, but towards the league, not away from them.

"Please hide us!" Copperhead yelled, bawling at Green Arrow's feet. "He's crazy, I tell you! Put us in jail, find a way to strip our powers, I don't care, just get me away from him!" Green Arrow looked down in shock, then over at his partner, who was getting a similar reaction from Cheetah.

"What do you think scared these guys?" he asked. His question was soon answered by Kurosaki Ichigo coming out of the bank, menacingly hoisting his sword.

"YEAH! YOU BETTER RUN!" he screamed at them.

Green Arrow began to pale as the menacing figure of death stalked towards him, radiating sheer power. Whimpering, Copperhead moved to cower behind the archer. Ichigo stopped, mere feet in front of the four, and asked in a deceptively calm tone, "You with them?"

The Archer, and beside him, Captain Atom, couldn't shake their heads fast enough. Green Arrow began moving his hands in a calming gesture, saying "No, we're the good guys. We came to arrest these guys and send them to jail, where they'll rot for decades." Behind him, Copperhead nodded frantically.

"Yeah, we'll go to jail for a long, long time! We're bad people, and we have a record. Once, I cheated on my third grade spelling test, then I stole a peppermint from my math teacher's jar! That's worth another twenty years in the slammer, right?" he babbled frantically, looking up at Green Arrow. Not knowing what else to do, and sensing that it was the trend of the day, he nodded. "See!" Copperhead continued. "So you don't need to do anything to us, right?"

Ichigo looked at the Green Arrow, then over at Captain Atom. "I'm not going to kill them. I'm just having the worst day in the history of bad days, and need some major stress relief. If you don't move, you'll get caught in my crossfire." Mutely, Green Arrow looked down at the sniveling villains, over at his grey-colored friend, and over at the orange-haired man who's eyes had just flashed yellow.

Two seconds later, from forty feet away, he yelled "We'll be over here!" Captain Atom moved to say something, but Ollie Queen slapped a hand over his friend's mouth. "Man, do not piss off a guy who's eyes change color!" he hissed, doing his best to ignore what the new arrival was doing to the villains. Who knew a wrapping on a sword hilt could be used like that?!

Five minutes later, he was done. Captain Atom ran over to check the villains. They were both unconscious, with heavy bruising. But mysteriously, there were no cuts beyond very minor ones, which was odd due to the man's choice of weaponry. At the Captain's shocked look, Ichigo sighed. "Honestly, I had a bad day, but not that bad a day. I just asked Zangetsu to help me blunt his edges, and he used some of my reiatsu to cushion the blows." Neither of the two men standing there understood a word of what he had just said. That could mean only one thing. Having been briefed on the situation with the two new arrivals (one who was being forced to reconsider his codename after being informed that a good would take offense to it), they knew what to do.

"Alright, new guy" Ollie said. "I'm going to ask you to drop the samurai gear, and then we'll go grab a coffee while I explain things about this dimension. Then, we go up to our space station, and give our fearless leaders some more reasons to rip their hair out."

Ichigo sat in the trendy café, across from the two heroes. He was wishing he had something much stronger then cappuccino in his cup, and was beginning to wish he hadn't taken so much time to study before he became a Shinigami. 'After all, if I studied less, I wouldn't know English! If I didn't know English, I wouldn't be able to understand his weird explanation!'

The two heroes were finding it very interesting to watch Ichigo's face change from red, to green, to some odd shade of purple, and back again. Ichigo continued his internal rambling monologue. 'I mean, honestly, why the fuck does it have to be me this always happens to! It's like there's some completely omnipotent force in this universe that's doing this only for its own amusement! Damn you Omnipotent Force!'

Breaking his ramble, Ichigo sighed. "Alright, I'm in."

"W-what?!"

"It's obvious to me that you're building up to a big proposition for me to join this league of yours, probably commenting on my superior abilities and how much fun it would be for an otherworldly traveler like myself. I just circumvented the entire process, so, let's go."

-----------------------------------------------

Up in the watchtower, Superman was getting a strong urge that he'd never had before. It was to smash his head repeatedly into the table and hope it broke. Not the table, he hoped his head would break. "So, let me get this straight." He said in a strained voice. "We have a third dimension traveler in our dimension who apparently shrugged and said 'Sure, I'll join the Justice League' before anyone asked him to?" The Man of Steel sighed. "Great. My day can't get any worse now."

The intercom rang at that point, and Clark was forced to realize that he had pretty much just drawn a line in the sand for the universe. And the universe could never resist a challenge. "Clark," Batman's voice said. "It seems that Maelstrom and your cousin have entered the training rooms together, and are about to engage in a friendly spar."

Wonder Woman observed Superman on the edge of tears at that point. "Thanks, Ollie." She said to the amused Green Arrow. "We'll find a place for the new one. Would you be willing to be his mentor if we decide you're best suited for it?" At his assenting nod, Diana smiled. "Good. Then you're dismissed. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go see what's going on in the training room."

Diana wasn't a moment too soon when she stepped on the viewer's deck. It seemed that she was joining about half of the league, including all the founding members save Superman (who was banging his head into the table) and the Martian Manhunter (who was keeping track of the control room). Diana elbowed her way through the crowd, finally getting to the window. "Good, you're just in time." The Green Lantern said. "They're about to start."

Down on the training room floor, oblivious to their vast audience, Naruto and Kara were having a stare-down. "You ready?" she asked, and Naruto smirked in response. With a roar, Kara charged with her fist cocked back. Naruto never lost his smile, and sidestepped. Kara skidded to a halt, and looked at him in confusion. "Aren't you going to do a whole dramatic 'meet her attack with one of my own' thing? It's what you did on the surface."

Naruto shrugged. "You see, right now, I'm not as strong physically as you. When I'm under the influence, so to speak, I would countercharge. But as for right now, I'd prefer to fight using some more dexterous techniques." He made a quick hand gesture, and the room was suddenly full of Narutos. "Or, I could just attack you from five hundred and sixteen different directions. Your choice."

A challenging grin found it's way onto Kara's face, which Naruto met with one of his own. With a roar, both of the powerhouses went to work. Kara's fists met Naruto's clones, and the clones faded in puffs of smoke. But the smoke clouded her vision, and she inhaled deeply. A gust of wind blew the smoke away, just in time to see Naruto cock his arm back to throw something.

"Uzumaki Assault: Clone Discus!" he yelled, and threw what appeared to be a disk of stone at her. Kara moved to dodge, knowing that it couldn't be that simple. Sure enough, the discuss broke into hundreds of tiny pebbles, and each pebble morphed into another Naruto. "BOOM!" They all yelled. A massive explosion rocked the titanium room, and all the observers watched in awe.

Kara, a little worse for wear, grinned again. A challenging opponent! She gathered some of her energy, and blasted out with her heat vision. Naruto dodged back, surprised at the unexpected power. "Ooohh…." He said. "That looks strong. I'm not sure what exactly I should counter that with, so I'll just go with brute force!" A docile-seeming blue orb swirled into existence, and Naruto held the newly formed Rasengan up to intercept the heat blasts.

Supergirl grunted, and refocused her efforts. Slowly, Naruto was being forced back. At least until she felt something heavy land on her back. Without looking, she knew immediately what it was: another Naruto. "Do you give?" the one on her shoulders asked. She shut off her heat vision, and nodded slightly, knowing that anything he did up their would stop her anyway. "Good." He said. The Naruto in front of her dissipated his Rasengan, and poofed out of existence. The one on her shoulders jumped off and stretched. "Good fight!"

From up on the observer's deck, five of the original seven watched, dumbstruck by the fight they'd just seen. What stunned them more was the fact that afterwards, Naruto slung an arm over Kara's shoulder, and the two walked out chatting amicably. "Well," John Stewart said. "Some people owe me money!" Flash groaned, and reached into his pocket. The motion was duplicated by five or six other metahumans standing there, and soon, the Green Lantern had a sizable wad of cash in his hand.

"Why'd you guys bet against him?" Diana asked, confused. They knew that this guy had taken out four league members in less then five minutes, and one of them had been Kara. They had to know that betting against him was stupid! "Honestly, we knew he was strong!"

Flash shook his head in the manner only he could. "No, we didn't bet on who'd win. GL bet that the new guy would make a move on Kara and she'd go for it. I bet that he'd make a move, and she'd kick the crap out of him. They," he jerked his thumb at the other poorer members "Bet that he wouldn't even try anything."

From behind them, someone cleared their throat. They spun, and looked through the dispersing crowd, and saw Superman, who looked no worse for wear after his fight with the table. "Excuse me," he said in a deceptively calm tone. "What exactly happened here, and who 'made a move' on my cousin?!"

Suddenly, all the league members remembered an urgent appointment that suddenly needed their undivided attention, and Superman was left standing there. If anyone was still there, they would have been treated to the sight of Superman grinding his Super-teeth.

-----------------------------------------------

The next morning, Harry was once again seated in the cafeteria, perusing some dictionaries. But his mind wasn't really in them. 'What can I use for my codename?' he thought. 'I thought Zeus was perfect, but how was I supposed to know he was real in this dimension?! Now I have to think of something new, and something different…' A loud banging on the table made him jump and look up.

It was the guy who he'd knocked out the other day, and Harry felt his blood drain from his face. If this guy held a grudge…. But his worries were allayed when the man sat down with a bowl of soup. "Hey." He said. "Nice to meet you. The name's Uzumaki Naruto-" The man shook his head. "I mean Naruto Uzumaki. Damn western styles… How're you doing?"

Harry grinned a little at the display, which he was partly sure was meant to put him at ease. "I'm Harry Potter. I'm alright. Good to see you up and out. I was worried I'd hurt you when I hit you with that blast and… Is that Oriental Noodle Soup?" Naruto somehow managed to look offended at that statement.

"Oriental… noodle… soup?" he echoed, as if testing the words out on his tongue. "No, this is ramen. Plain and simple. Chicken flavored!" He sniffed, and looked over at Harry's space as he sat down. "What's that you're eating? Books? I didn't think those were edible these days."

Shaking his head, Harry gestured to his cleared plate. "Already ate. Now I'm just studying." At Naruto's confused look, Harry began to explain. "Lately, me and my mentor found out that I can focus my power by finding the right words to use. So I go through dictionaries from different languages to find the best word to use. Cool, eh?"

Naruto didn't have to feign the fact that he was impressed, and nodded. "You know, you must be great with codes. I mean, if you can understand so many different languages, you could become ultra-lingual and learn to read all of them. Then, you could put together the best codes, kind of like a human cipher!"

Harry mulled that over for a moment. 'Like a cipher… cool! I like it! Though I'll change the spelling of it a bit to make it more awesome. I'll become… Cypher!' Naruto smirked as he watched Harry stare off into space again. Of course, he could be smirking because he was eating his precious ramen once again. Even he wasn't really sure. Another bang next to Naruto made Harry snap back to reality and Naruto snap out of his ramen-induced daze.

An orange haired boy had just joined them, and was eating a breakfast sandwich. "Yo." He said through a mouthful. "You guys must be the other two dimension warpers. Or at least one of you is." At Naruto's question look, Ichigo gestured around them with his free hand. "There's no one sitting within thirty feet of you." He said as an explanation. Naruto shrugged, gave a what're-you-gonna-do-about-it look, and went back to his precious. "Name's Kurosaki, I mean Ichigo Kurosaki." Naruto snorted.

"You too?" he said with a small chuckle. "I keep doing the same thing. Naruto Uzumaki." He said, and stuck out a hand. Ichigo took it, shook it briskly, and turned to Harry.

"Harry Potter." He said, proud for some reason that he was the only one who hadn't had to rearrange his name. No sooner had he got his name out then a voice came from behind them.

"Get up, rookies." Green Lantern said. "You've got mission briefings." He turned, and began to walk back towards the central chamber. Shrugging in unison, the three travelers got up and followed him. Soon, they had reached the chamber, and found the Lantern, as well as Hawkgirl, Batman, Etrigan, Dr. Fate, and Green Arrow, awaiting them.

"Ok." Batman began in his usual monotone. "We've got a good mission that _won't_ be interrupted like that last one." Naruto rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, and Batman continued. "This is a nice, easy one, and we're killing three birds with one stone by sending all of you with your mentors."

"There's a crime lord in Chicago that has been gaining strength with unsurpassed quickness. It seems that every day, he has beaten more innocents into submission and hired more and more guards. Your job will be to destroy his crime ring, and find out how he's been growing so quickly. Maelstrom, Shinigami… Have you picked out a codename yet?" He asked, directing that last question at Harry.

"Yeah. It's Cypher." He said.

"Alright. I'll register that. Maelstrom, Shinigami, Cypher, move out. Arrow, Etrigan, Fate, you too." The six walked out heading out towards the teleport bay. Batman caught a flash of the conversation Maelstrom and Shinigami had been having, and wondered why they would need to make a contest out of this. He felt a headache coming on. 'Why do I feel like this is not going to end well?' the Dark Knight thought.

Down on the surface, the six had no sooner reached their destination (the self-proclaimed 'Chicago Kingpin's' headquarters) then Naruto turned to the mentors. "Alright. You guys don't do anything unless absolutely necessary. I want this to be an even contest between me and Strawberry over there." Ichigo glowered at him, and Naruto smirked. "Yes, I can translate your name perfectly well. Oh, and if you make any fishcake cracks, I'll guy you." He delivered that last part in such a matter of fact tone that no one was really sure of what he said for ten seconds. "But besides that, this'll be a good contest between the two of us, and the bird's nest over there if he wants in." Harry patted his hair down nervously at that.

"What's the objective?" Ichigo asked as he gripped the talisman on his belt. With a shimmer, his black shinigami robes cloaked him. Zangetsu came out, glinting eagerly in the morning sunlight. "Is it first to the crime boss wins?"

"Nah." Naruto said, pressing a seal on his jacket sleeve. With another small shimmer, Naruto's seemingly casual clothes were replaced by his standard black-and-orange garb, with his Konoha headband proudly on his forehead once again. "Let's go with number of kills, I mean knock-outs." He hastily amended, catching the looks of the mentors. "Ready… Go!"

The fat crime boss (because corrupt crime bosses are always fat, Ichigo would later ramble) was sitting at his desk, his chief bodyguard standing at attention next to him. He was sniffing a cigar when he heard a large explosion and a few screams from below. There was more as the words "RASENGAN!" "_**Getsuga Tenshō!"**_ and"_Raikoukast!" _echoed up to him. The man shook his head, still sniffing his cigar.

"Don't do anything." He said to his bodyguard. "We'll wait for whoever it is to get up here, then you'll neutralize them."

The man shrugged. "If dat be what you want, Mon Ami." He said through his thick accent.

Thirty seconds later, a heavily sweating pair of teenagers and a grinning man broke into the office. But rather then head straight for the kingpin, they started arguing. "I won!" the man was saying. "My clones took out over twenty men while your weird blast only took out seven. And your lighting only got three!"

The red-headed teen groaned. "Those clones are like cheating!"

The man smiled widely. "You never said I couldn't make any! The final score: Maelstrom, thirty-two! Shinigami, twenty-six! And Cypher got twenty-four, a good number for a beginner." Naruto glanced over at the boss and his bodyguard. "But, I'm feeling generous today. He," he said, pointing at the now frozen scumwad. "is now worth fourty. So whoever gets him wins."

Before anyone had a chance to respond, the bodyguard reached into his pocket and pulled out a small rod, which quickly extended into a long bo staff. Then the man turned, and cracked his boss over the head with it. The man keeled over, unconscious, as the bodyguard bowed to his former adversaries. "I win!" he said. Shaking his head, he swept into a low bow. "Sorry, where are my manners. Remy LeBeau at your service."

-----------------------------------------------

Up at the watchtower, Superman stared at Etrigan, Green Arrow, and Dr. Fate as they delivered their report. "So, basically, we've got another one, who was masquerading as a hired thug to learn where he was and what was going on in this universe, rather then destroying stuff randomly. Now he wants in, and already has some experience being on a team." At the three simultaneous nods, Superman again began banging his head on the table.

-----------------------------------------------

A/N: So, thoughts? Please leave em after the beep!

BEEEP


	10. Slip of the Fingers

A/N: Ah, the things I have floating around my hard drive.

* * *

It's amazing, the difference made by a quarter of an inch.

That was all that it took to alter the course of history, and time as we know it.

A quarter of an inch. Maybe it was the blood on Haku's hands that caused that forced the rare, rare miss, or perhaps it was the everlasting cold brought on by his ice mirrors finally getting to him. Maybe it was a bit of ice on the ground, causing Sasuke to skid to a halt a millimeter from where he intended to when he darted in front of Naruto. Whatever the case, Haku's senbon landed in Sasuke's neck a quarter inch from where he had intended for it to hit.

The result was obvious, at least to Haku. The Uchiha was not placed in the near-death state he had intended. No, the senbon went through his neck, and he fell immediately. No last thoughts. No muttered encouragement or logic to Naruto.

Uchiha Sasuke was dead before he hit the ground.

***

"Sasuke?" Naruto called in a small voice as he crawled over to the prone form of his only friend. "Sasuke?" This time, the plaintive call came out a bit louder, as if by increasing his volume, he could raise his friend from the void. "Sa-Sasuke?" This time, the question was accompanied by a hand reaching out, quivering a little, and shaking the lifeless shoulder of the rapidly cooling boy.

Naruto looked down at the only friend he'd ever known. His skin, which had always been far paler then Naruto's own, was losing color as the blood ceased moving. His eyes, which had always focused on some far away goal, now focused on everything and nothing as he stared into the void. The sudden stillness on the battlefield was broken with a cry which squeezed all the air from Naruto's lungs and brought an icy grip to Kakashi and Sakura's hearts.

"SAAASSSUUUKEEE!"

The bloodchilling scream caused Kakashi to hesitate for one moment, just one instant. That instant was all that was needed for Zabuza's massive cleaver to remove his head from his shoulders.

***

Sakura had always been sensitive to chakra. It was the one thing she stood out in, the one thing that she had honed relentlessly by following Sasuke around the village. Since joining team 7, three sources of chakra had always been around her, radiating their unique auras, soothing and comforting.

Two of them had just been extinguished within seconds of each other. Her mind immediately blanked, and when her conscious mind stopped thinking, her instincts took over.

For a pre-teen girl, Sakura had some very good instincts.

A quick jab to Tazuna's gut caused him to double over, letting Zabuza's blade pass through the empty air his head had just been in. With strength born of desperation, the small girl flung the old man over her shoulder and took off. "Naruto!" she yelled. "Withdraw!"

Maybe it was the authority in her voice, or the fact that it was his beloved Sakura that had yelled the order, but Naruto did not hesitate. With one quick movement, he scooped up Sasuke's body and took off towards the ice mirrors. "You have to know that that won't work." Haku's disembodied voice echoed out. "These mirrors are part of me, and-"

Haku was cut off as a shroud of red chakra sprang into existence around the blonde. With a wordless roar, the Ice Mirror directly in front of Naruto shattered into tiny little fragments. Haku, shock numbing his brain, leapt in front of the Konoha ninja. If he hadn't been taken aback by Naruto's dismantling of his greatest technique, he might of have done something else. He might've launched a powerful attack, taking down the monster Naruto had become. But with his slowed reaction time, he didn't have the time to do anything except gape in shock as a red-enshrouded fist went right through his chest cavity.

When the fog cleared, three things remained on the bridge: Zabuza, the headless corpse of Kakashi, and the body of Haku with a hole straight through his chest. When Zabuza's eyes settled on the last, he let out a roar of anger.

"Heh." came a chuckle from the other side of the bridge. "Did that worthless little brat get what he deserved?" asked Gato. He looked over his shoulder, where the leader of his thugs stood. "It sure looks like he did, doesn't it?"

The mercenary let out a dark chuckle of his own. "It does, Gato-sama. After all, he dared to lay hi-" The mercenary was cut off as he suddenly had no head. Gato let out a final squeak before he met the same fate.

"TRASH!" Zabuza roared, before the rest of the mercenaries were put to the sword. Then, with a shimmer, he was gone, leaving only the corpses of the fallen.

***

The headquarters for Gato Shipping International was a large building, an alabaster giant surrounded by many small, squat warehouses. In the center of it was a tower, which was somehow even whiter then the rest of the building. It was a beautiful sight to see as the sun was setting, which was made more depressing by the fact that it was paid for with the blood of innocents.

At the moment, it was also the scene of madness as Zabuza sat back in Gato's chair and put his feet up on the table. Two men, wearing dark suits and glasses, brandishing shuriken and kunai, were staring at him, their mouths set in hard lines.

Zabuza let out a little chuckle. "So. Gato was keeping some damn good ninja on retainer. Hmm.. You're… 'Flame Tongue' Shindo, Upper B-Rank missing nin from Kumo. Didn't you get exiled for burning their academy to the ground while all the classes were in session? Were there any survivors?"

As the first man stiffened, Zabuza turned his attention to the other ninja. "And who might you be?" There was a brief pause, then the mist nin snapped his fingers. "Oh, yeah! Cold Hearted Kisuke! I forgot all about you! Lower B-Rank from Kusa, given your nickname from your tendency to leave the hearts of your victims on their loved one's pillow. Creative, that."

"You'd think Gato would have had you guys with him. Seriously, what kind of moron leaves his most powerful hirelings guarding the fort?!"

"Momochi-san." The one identified as Shindo growled. "Until Gato-sama returns, we must ask you to leave."

"Gato? Oh, he's not coming back." Zabuza reached behind his back and tossed Gato's head at Kisuke. "Now, you boys have a choice. You can leave. You can fight me and be killed. Or, you could help me and receive places of power after I've conquered Kiri."

The two exchanged glances and Shindo gave a barely perceptible shrug. "Positions of power always were a weak spot of mine." Kisuke said with a small smile.

***

The conquest of Kiri had been swift and brutal.

Zabuza and his assembled army of Missing Nin paid for from the late Gato's substantial coffers had descended on Kirigakure like locusts upon a field. All civilians and any shinobi who had not immediately laid down arms were put to the sword. The Mizukage himself had been killed horribly by Zabuza, who had greatly enjoyed cutting inches off of the tyrannical leader with his sword until he reached the torso.

Kirigakure had a new Kage, and bloodthirsty warriors behind him.

But the other villages had not been idle.


	11. Team 9

A/N: I've discovered some really odd abandoned efforts on my hard drive. This one was supposed to get my OC urges out of my system, but I never got that far. So this is all that's coming. And it has Ibiki!

* * *

My name is Morino Ibiki.

Yes, that Morino Ibiki. The one in charge of Konoha's torture and interrogation. But despite the fact that my name is used to frighten small children, I rarely do 'hands-on' work. No, there are other, more sadistic, people in the division that are more then happy to take out the knives and thumbscrews. I am in charge. As any leader could tell you, that means I do the paperwork and keep everyone in order.

But there is one time that I do get down and dirty in the dungeons. That day is not a holiday, nor is it any kind of teaching experience for some young up and comers. No, that time is when we capture a shinobi from Kusa. Yes, Yes, we're technically at peace with Kusagakure, but that just means we don't go out of our way to capture them. Even if we were at war with them, Kusa is a small, pathetic excuse for a ninja village that has survived by farming poison. It would take a day, two tops, to utterly crush them.

But when one happens to stumble into our dungeons, I get out of my office. I oil the chains and I pull out 'Ol Reliable', my favorite skinning knife. I prepare, for one more time, to show everyone in my little corner of town that I'm still the top dog in here. And then I set to work.

It was on an occasion such as this that I was asked a strange question. It was actually by one of the recipients of my loving hospitality. I had done an excellent job if I do say so myself. A small piece of flesh had been slowly removed from his arm, and various toxins taken from Kusa itself had been dabbed in the hole with a horsehair brush. Ah, Irony. How I love thee. But as various painful yet non lethal poisons flowed through his veins, the Kusa nin could only look at me as I stopped to catch a breath.

"Why?" was all he asked, looking me straight in the eye. "Why do you do this to me? You haven't asked me any questions, and Kusa has done nothing to your village. So why do you have me and my kind so?"

I looked back at him, not entirely sure how to answer him. In all my years as the head of T&I, I've never been asked that. Most assume I'm some kind of sadist, or that I'm mentally unhinged. But, before I truly think about it, I'm already speaking.

"Because Kusa has taken something of mine, and I want it back."

As I angrily leave the torture room, I wonder what exactly caused me to say that. Destroying every Kusa nin I find won't bring them back to me, nor will it change the past. But I've survived for too long in this cesspool not to know how to trust myself and my gut, and my gut's telling me that that is what I secretly hope.

Shaking my head, I go back up to my office. After all, destroying those from Grass is like a vacation for me. I still have to do all my paperwork for the division. Those new manacles won't order themselves! But as I fill out forms and file papers, one paper practically jumps out at me. No, it's not been tampered with and it's not another explosive note dressed up as a form, but it is addressed to Morino Ibiki. Not Chief of T&I. Not 'That Bastard Who Cuts People Up'. Not 'To Whom it May Concern'. No, Morino Ibiki, sensei of team…

Alright, whoever wrote this better be one of two people, or they are fucking dead! DEAD! No one, and I mean NO ONE, who has any lick of sense calls me that unless they were on that team! No man calls me that who's not seen their favorite son slash brother figure tortured before their eyes. No girl calls me that unless they've been raped while watching the same thing! I grab the paper and flip it open, breaking the seal and praying that it's one of the two. Otherwise, I'll have killing to do.

A sigh of relief escapes as I see the name on it, but my breath stops again when I look at the date. This had been delivered weeks ago, but had just now made an appearance at my table. Either it had some time-delay jutsu on it, or more likely one of the grunts in the Hokage Tower had misfiled it. Looks like I'd have some more killing to do after all. But I scan the contents anyway, just in case there's nothing time-sensitive on them. The sigh of relief starts again, this time continuing uninterrupted. This was barely delivered on time. If it had been one day later…

A few minutes later finds me in front of the Hokage's desk, preparing to do something I don't think I've ever done before. "Hokage-sama… I would like to request a day off."

I think that if I breathed hard enough, Tsunade would have fallen over.


End file.
